Tuesday, March 31, 2009

So long. Farewell.

Alex was always in my room and in my stuff!

He always had a way to make you laugh

Alex and Cammie where always together!

Our Christmas card I have no idea what year that was

Alex just being Alex

And we all love his trade mark crazy hair style!

Well ok here we go just going to let this go where ever it takes me.
Today we said good bye to Alex Tyler Goldstrich. My baby brother my wonderful sweet caring baby brother. I look back now and think about the last few days and all that has taken place. Since Friday its just been a whirl wind of events. Friday is still and probably always will be a blur to me. I can remember the phone call and walking out to Aunt Ann's car. I even remember getting to my grandmothers. Most of that though is sort of a blur. The one thing I recall well is them bringing Alex out to take away for the final time. He was cold, stiff and blue. I laid my head on him and said I was sorry and said good bye. I become almost in denial this was in fact happening. Saturday was more of just a blur. I saw my sister Dana and Jenny. We did lunch and got manicures. Bizzar I know but the relaxation I really sort of needed. I do not even really remember much more about that day but that. Sunday we went to get an outfit for Cammie to wear did lunch with Dana and Aunt Sue and talked. Dana wants Cammie to live with her I think that's a grand idea. After they get back from Maui we will see what becomes of that. So now we have reached today, Monday, the day we lay him to rest and say our final good byes. I slept in since I finally went to be around 4am. I moped around and finally decided that I needed to have outfits for everyone to wear. CRAP! After a agonizing trip to Kohls and a Burger king run I decided I could not put off the inevitable much longer. Me and the girls went to Mimi's house and got ready. After fixing up me and the girls we where ready to go. I did everything I could to distract myself from the car ride there. We arrived and oddly enough I am fine almost normal. I walk in and see family friends people I had not seen in years. I decided its time to walk in and see my brother. Cammie at that time was not up for sharing. I stood by her. not even able to shed emotion but stand there and think who is that body in there and why am I not sad? I wondered back and forth for a while until the service started. The man doing the service sucked. I am sorry I know its rude but man he was lame. Cammie was the first to speak she was a mess. Her other half is gone forever and she has to figure out life on her own and she is not used to that and I do not know if she ever will. A few friends spoke along with Maggie who is Alex's best friend and we just love her and John his boyfriend off and on for many years. They had such wonderful things to say such great memories. The after that I decided I needed to go and speak and I did. I couldn't tell you what I said but apparently everyone loved it. Shortly after more poor speaking from this guy the service ended. We had one last chance to say good bye and it was awkward. I had said i was sorry already that Friday as they wheeled him out but now what do I say what do I do? So I just said so long farewell my sweet brother I miss you so much and will love you forever. The girls even said good bye and looked at him. Please know that I debated long and hard on if this was good for them but I went with my gut and my kids feelings and prepared them ahead of time for what they would see. I did not force the issue at all with them and I know that it was probably hard to grasp at their age but I think this was the closure they needed. So just know I thought this out and I am sure I will I have spent two hours trying to complete this I have been stopping to look at pictures and just well think. It was very nice to have friends there tonight to. Lauren, Kris, Melanie, Laurie and Heather. It was good to have someone besides family to talk to and socialize with. I love you guys very much and appreciate you being there. I know Kara wanted to be there but its ok I forgive her! Well its now after 1am and while I am not tired I know I should try to rest. My girls are sleeping soundly on either couch right now and I am glad sleeping peacefully. I hope to be back at work by Thursday because I do not know what to do with this time off. I know that I need to keep busy so I am just trying to make plans to get out of the house and just do stuff till I go back to work. Again thank you everyone for your kind words and sweet gestures I appreciate them. And my house smells wonderful right now with all these flowers. And the plants I got are great now lets pray I keep them alive! Well I think I will go cuddle up in bed with my girls and try and get some rest. Till next time sweet dreams and thanks for reading.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

In memory of Alex Tyler Goldstrich

Below is the memorandum card used for the funeral tomorrow of my little brother. I have started a blog to post about Fridays events but keep stopping. I think tomorrow I will have the chance to get my thoughts together. It just does not seem real that I will be laying my brother to rest tomorrow. I miss him so very much. He was so young so full of life. He will be so greatly missed.

Alex was always so full of life, laughter and style. He loved hanging out with his friends, family and loved to cook. He was the best uncle Sean, Hannah and Ella could ever ask for, and loved to spend his time entertaining them. He wanted to make everyone happy around him and was always the entertainer, the clown, the joker. He was the sweetest and most generous little brother and would go out of his way to help others. We all loved him so much, but know that he is in a better place now where he can feel no more pain. He is with his father now, whom he loved so much. Rest in peace sweet brother and know we will love and miss you so much. Til we meet again. Go with God.

Love, Jamie, Jordan, Jenny and Cameron

Sean, age 8 – I loved playing video games with my uncle Alex. I had fun when he would take me places with aunt Cammie and I would spend the night. He let me have ice cream for breakfast when he babysat me. I love him very much and I will miss him.

Hannah, age 6 – Alex was always nice to me. He was a very nice uncle. I loved it when he babysat me. He was friendly. I love Alex. Alex was the best.

Ella, age 4 – I love Alex and I like him. Alex is the best!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Another day.......

Evening all. So its Wednesday and at almost a week after Matt's visit no word on what the deal is. Frustrating yes I would think so! I have been talking with some people here in the condos and there might be a place or two coming available here soon. I won't get my hopes up but we will see. I hate dealing with people like this. Its so annoying!
Doctors results? ya have not gotten those yet either! I swear I think everyone is out to get me! Honestly do all these people like watching me sit in agony?! I don't get it at all. So I guess when I hear something you guys will hear something!
As of today its exactly 7 weeks and Chris will be here. We are both excited and really needing a vacation. He has the hotel all picked out and taken care of. We have a busy trip planned so I am sure it will go by fast. I am excited for him to meet the kids and my family. Jason and I talked and he has stated that he wants to talk and meet Chris before the kids are introduced to him. While I see where Jason is coming from I am also a big girl capable of making the right choice on when the right time is to introduce my children to someone. I am sure this will be awkward awful and intense but I am sure I will live. I am just not sure how to handle and figure this all out. I just want this all to go smooth because I am not up for stupid drama!
I actually did not have as much to write about as I thought but just thought I would I guess update. I can't say that the rest of my week will be exciting but who knows that could change. The girls are crashed out after much fighting and debate! I am watching this horrible show on A&E I think its called The Exterminators! Oh my gosh this show is just awful. I hate bugs and rodents but I was so busy doing stuff on here I didn't want to change the channel but if you love horrible reality TV then this is up your alley. Ahh that reminds me I need to finish this so I can catch up on Grey's! Do not fill me in on this season I will watch for myself! Well its now 11pm I am done rambling so nite nite all!

Monday, March 23, 2009


Well its almost been a week since I updated this I don't want it to be a huge long rambling. But I guess there is a bunch to update on. Such as my birthday day dinner, housing update, girls skating competition and misc. this and that kind of stuff. So I guess I will start from the top and work my way down. Hopefully this does not become to long!
So let see Thursday after work Matt (the real estate agent) came by to take some pictures and do a bit of a walk through of my home. He was pretty hard to read on what was going to happen but I just wanted him to see what I have been subjected to over the course of the last few months. He took some pictures said he would mail them to the owner/landlord of the place and see what would happen. I am hoping this will be fixed so we do not have to break my lease and move I hate moving! And well I just need to have more time to find a place to go ect. Its now Monday and no word. I am going to shoot him an email after this to see where we stand since the 1st is right around the corner. Maybe I will have good news by tomorrow or something.
Friday night was my birthday dinner. The day was mostly spent at the rink with the girls and I did a bit of shopping for my big night out. I bought some really cute stuff and I am excited to show it off. Well I did show off a new cute pink dress with a little white sweater. I think I might try and post a few pictures of the evening. I was a bit disappointed at the turn out of the evening. I am grateful for those who did show up and understanding of those unable to make it. The waitress sucked and it was just well an interesting night and I am thinking about in May scheduling a redo so if you missed out you will get a second chance. But thank you Mel, Laurie, Heather, Stacy, Julie and Meg. I am so glad you girls could make it!
Sunday the girls competed in a local competition at the Dallas Galleria. While this competition in the past has normally been a big competition over the years it has shrank. And now that Hannah is moving up to higher levels skating at such a small rink is proving to be more of a challenge. So for this she did fewer more laid back events to prepare for Dist. in May. She placed 1st in all her events and once I get the pictures from Trina I will put a few up also. Ella Grace only did one event and she got 1st also. I think she did better this weekend than at Winter Classic but she will not be moving up to the next level for Dist. Hannah's synchro team looked great despite the absence of their head coach. Aerin did a great job with them. They looked great!
So ok now we are caught up to Monday and I am just kinda blah. The doctor never called me today with results so now I need to call tomorrow to see whats going on. If its anything like my visit I am sure they forgot or lost my stuff haha!! So I did my best to not let it bother me over the weekend and it really didn't until today so when I know more you will know more. I also received a letter from my traffic lawyer and it said to call ASAP. I am not sure if ASAP means the same in lawyer terms as it does in say just regular speak. I called it took about 5 min or so for them to figure out who I was ect. and then when they finally did they where like oh ya the lady you need to speak to is out on lunch for another 10 minutes we will have her call you once she gets in. I said great I have another hour left on my break. My guess it was not that important because she never called me back. I am a little perturbed because well they have my money and I haven't heard much else like court date or anything and now not returning calls. I will try again tomorrow and hope to have more success in this.
On a final note we are about to tthe 7 week more for Chris' arrival and I am excited and nervous and just overwhelmed. I know that he is to. So much is going on in both of our lives it just somewhat nuts. I know he is excited but you know men they well do not show emotions like women do and do not communicate as much. We have a busy trip planned and I am pretty sure it will fly by. But I know once he goes back it will only be a few more months before he is home for good. And no we do not know yet where home for good will be but we do know it will not be in UTAH!!!
So that's about it for tonight. Hannah is begging for strawberries and whipped cream and Ella Grace is impressing me with the block letter E that she made and is coloring in. I am going with it she had a rough weekend so what ever makes her content and happy at this point. Next week she moves to Pre-K I am super excited and can not wait for this new adventure for us. Have a great night ya'll and I will write again soon!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009


So I felt this overwhelming need to blog. And I opened this window up around 2 hours ago. Now I sit here and think so what should I write about. Do I go into that wonderful fun filled doctors apt. I had yesterday? Nah because well besides the thyroid deal I do not know how much I would really want to divulge on here but I guess once I get test results I will say more. Just lots of female issues and well I can not say that I am surprised. Then there is the whole housing issue. The kids are on spring break but nothing to exciting there. And then of course there is Chris and his soon arrival to Dallas! So I opt to start the night out with housing and work my way through the topics.
So the latest and the greatest on the housing. I love my family well the family that I stay associated with! My cousin Timmy is a lawyer and has decided help me with this crappy housing situation. Long story short he used his lawyer muscles today and talked with Matt is coming over tomorrow we are going to look at the damage see what is easily fixable what can more than likely get fixed and see what just isn't going to get done. If we realize that there is no happy middle we will agree to just break the lease and move on. While everyone is probably thinking yippy your lease will be broken your free. I am not thrilled I hope its fixable I want to kind of stay till this lease is over. I need time to find my next place and stuff. I hate being rushed in these kind of things. I am sure most would agree right? So tomorrow after work I will meet with Matt I will update and let everyone know where we go from here.
So the kids are on spring break. Nothing really fun and exciting there. Hannah has been skating Tuesday and Wednesday. She loves that more than I think going to my school. Sean has been doing some day camp and I really have not heard from him but I will pick him up this weekend. I am sure I will hear alllll about it! I am not a fan of spring break well I am but this is the last break before school lets out for the Summer. I am not ready for that quiet yet!
So 8 weeks from today Chris will be here! I am trying to really really wrap my head around this and know that we will have 10 days to spend with each other. I know we have some fun things planned and he is excited about seeing the girls skate. To be on the safe side he has booked a hotel because as of right now we have no idea where I will be. I think even if I am in my place I think this hotel sounds pretty swanky I might say forget my place lets stay at the hotel! Its in uptown and seems fancy so I am excited about that. After speaking with Chris tonight I can tell he is needing a vacation. He is just really ready for a break things seem crazy for him there and I know he is wondering how he did on his promotions test and he won't find that out until after his leave. Now that has to be agonizing!
And well I guess I could just kinda say whats up on the doctor apt. yesterday. I guess when its been a few years I should not be surprised at what they have to say. My thyroid is very much enlarged and that has been what has caused my extreme rapid weight loss. While I have enjoyed my weight loss I know that this can be dangerous. So I guess once I get the results on those test I will know more and go see an endocrinologist. Of course there where a myriad of other things done but I will say due to a cyst that ruptured I have a really bad cervical infection requiring antibiotics that ugghhh are not pleasant. I have a few cysts they want to keep an eye on because they do not know if they might require surgery to remove but again pending results we will know more in a few days. Just do not like surprised especially with my health. So any news and I of course will update.
Oh and how could I forget the girls compete Sunday at the Galleria for a skating competition. Its not a real big one but I am still excited for them none the less. I am sure I will take a ton of pictures not nearly as well as Heather but I will make my attempt. Anyways that's it for the night. I think I rambled enough and feel a bit better. I hope everyone has had a great week. Have a good night and sweet dreams!

Saturday, March 14, 2009

The nasty curve balls of life!

So I am sure this probably a blessing in disguise but still its a curve ball I was not ready for yet! So this all has to do with my POS condo that I have said that I have a love hate relationship with. While I was ready to kiss that place good bye in August I was so frustrated with it but it was my place. This was my first place that was MINE all mine after Jason and I split up. It was the first place that really made me realize I can do this on my own and that I can be independent and do my own thing. And while the first year was a little bumpy but not to bad I was excited to sign on for year number two. And going into year number 2 I was aiming to find something of course better and in the school dist. I want.
I had some big plans and around June I saw things really take a nasty turn. I guess the few months prior being with out gas was awful but I can handle it in the name of my place not blowing up during the repair. Then water main issues causing me to not have water again I don't want my place flood so sure turn off my water. All this time having to go between my house and Jason's. But then I started having tub trouble and leaking water. At first it wasn't a huge deal and would come and go. I didn't worry to much. But then I went to Denver for a week for the girls skating competition. I had a friend watch my place. Next time I will be a bit more wise in that choice!!! So while I am gone the leak begins to get worse! Finally it was so bad the ceiling was saturated along with the wall. Long story short mine and my neighbors walls and ceiling where crumbling in our kitchens and growing all sorts of MOLD!!! After the real estate agent and owner of the place and the owner of the vacant condo next door all pulled their heads out of their asses and figure out who would pay for what ect the repairs went underway. I knew I was screwed when the quote this dude had was super low. The old saying rings true you get what you pay for! So after about two weeks of repairs ect. we are now into I think Sept. or Oct. All this time I was having to stay with Jason. Yes yes I am paying rent to I had to in order apparently to pay for these repairs, I know this makes no sense now but just keep this in mind it makes sense later on.
So now we are at the holiday season and I was ready to go back home but the morons who did the repairs left it such a disaster that it needed even more work!! Dry wall dust got into the dryer motor and caused it to stop working, dry wall dust got into the lines of the stove and they stopped working, the tub that kept backing up with water had pretty much rotted and would not get repaired because well I don't think I can ever get a straight answer on that. there was water damaged and moldy pieces reused to fix the molding and stuff on the walls in my kitchen and laundry room. So this is when the round and round and stuff begins. I called Simon who was the contractor for my place and told him the issues and to let Matt know so we could get the ball rolling and get me back in there. Well that's when I start to hear about no money blah blah kinda crap. I am like oh my god really. So I get so caught up in the holidays I really just cant use my place for more than storage and maybe a few over night stays. The showers are a mess the kitchen is useless and I only have a usable washer. Just not ok for the kids. To much dust and to much mess. I kept getting the run around so I give up. I suck it up and make it my new years resolution to get this crap fixed. The first of the year rolls around and I now realize I got to get this place fixed Chris will be here soon and I need to be back home doing my thing and what I had set out to do when I left Jason. And if I am paying rent on my glorified storage unit than by god i should be living there!
So here we are this weekend after Thursday night having a melt down and saying enough is really enough. Karen tells me to find my lease take pictures of the damage and email it to her. Its 10pm at night and I march over there while Jordan is on the phone entertaining me because its creepy and scary there alone at night. After about half an hour later all the pictures where taken and no lease was found. I loaded them and sent them to Karen. I emailed Matt asked for a copy of my lease. The next evening I got emails phone calls ect. The lady who owns the place isn't making money and stuff and wants to get out now and that's why repairs can't be made because there is no money left to make repairs. That's understandable I guess. But now I could be out sooner than I planned and not thrilled. I have not saved do not know where to look or go. I have Chris coming here in 9 weeks and I am overwhelmed. I am possibly meeting with Matt tomorrow to figure out where we stand on this. I am telling him the soonest I will move is after May.
I am debating to upload my pictures for all of you to see. I might do that later.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Bout time I add some pictures!

We love going to the park! Apparently Sean does not like having his picture taken!

Ella at Winter Classic. She is so proud that snagged that sucker!

Hannah after skating her program. She is proud she got 2nd!

Last year my fun filled birthday dinner and Dick's Last Resort. Part II to follow!!

Wow I am 30!

I AM FREAKING OUT!!!!! I have always been told I had a flair for the dramatic but as of right now I really am freaking out!!! In 3 hours I will be officially done with my 20's and stepping into my 30's. Over the course of the last week I have done some major reflecting on my life over the last 29.9 years. Ya corny and weird I know but honestly I never thought turning 30 would get to me like it has. I have handled all the joking with ease and really do not let it bother me because I know I have given my fair share of jokes. I just really started thinking. And I actually kinda got upset. I AM NOT READY TO BE 30!!!!!! Why, why do I think I am not ready to be 30 well because I do not feel 30 I do not act 30 and I just do not see myself as you guessed it 30.
So here it is, here I am and I am thinking wow was it really 30 years ago my mother and father got a call stating your daughter was born and she is yours and here is when you can come pick her up. And 5 years later I was introduced to the world of being an older and very mean and jealous sibling. And looking back that really is and was the least of my worries. I guess though looking back I have gone through A LOT for someone my age. The countless rehabs my mother entered and well did not succeed in. When she was in rehab or on a nice bender stepping it up to help out. I swear I had to be the most responsible 12 yr old ever!! I dealt with living the good life the nice wonderful privileged life to the low middle class struggle to get what we need life. I have dealt with divorce and death, crazy dysfunctional family stuff, and of course my most recent family drama I just wrote about the other day. I could bore you with more detail but eh its not worth it.
So with the 2.5 hrs left in my 20's I have begun to think these last 10 years have been well eventful! I had Sean in 2000, met Jason in well 2000, married Jason in 2002, gave birth to Hannah in 2002, moved to Chicago in 2002, between 2003 and 2004 dealing with stuff I would rather not go into right now, 2005 giving birth to Ella and moving back to Dallas (wooohooo), 2006 realizing the man I married was not the man I once thought he was and discovered that people can change and not for the better and do things that you think just are not possible, 2006 Sean diagnosed with RA, 2006 realizing my marriage was over and spending the last 2 weeks of that year alone and ok with it because what happened was not my fault, 2007 started out single and struggling, 2007 found a wonderful school for my daughters and eventually me to be at, 2007 moved into what I thought was a awesome condo only to be my dread home, 2008 I will just sum it up with lots of family issues rehab fall outs and more drama, 2008 I met the most wonderful man I am still with and foreseeing the being with for a long long time, 2009 so far 3 exciting run in the law enforcement, my kids growing and changing in ways I never imagine and now I enter my 30s! I realize now I never really was a wild and crazy teen or even wild and crazy in my 20's. I think most figured that once I hit my 20's I would let loose and party like a maniac and do the things my parents always thought I was out doing when I was so friggin scared of them I did well not much of anything. Do I have regrets no. Why would I? I mean what is the point? I only hope I can raise my kids and give my kids the guidance love and support that they need and not be down right terrified of me. Karen your talk with me last night really made me open my eyes and I see things now I only kind of though of in the back of my mind. Thank you I can now be more proactive in how I am with my children. Thank you I appreciate that.
So now that I have gotten this crazy mixed feelings and emotions off my chest I feel better. I am sitting here in bed with two of my three wonderful children next to me sleeping soundly hoping that when they reach my age they can on that day sit and say wow the last 30 years have just been AWESOME!
Nite ya'll

Monday, March 9, 2009

Forgive and rebuild?................

So I didn't think I would actually get around to blogging tonight but I had things happen that made me think it was a good idea. So as you may or may not know I have a younger sister. She will be 18 at the end of this week and we do not have much of a relationship. And no its not due to the 12 year age difference its mostly due t the lifestyle she has. And sadly really its not entirely her fault its also my mothers. Cameron is a beautiful sweet (almost all the time) young lady who did not get the guidance she needed in her more formative years. She was allowed to drop out of high school and do her own thing. In her defence, but i am not sure how, did get a job and earned some money. She has many problems though most stem back from her childhood which again is not her fault its the cards she was dealt. She has some problems and she does not know how to cope she never was given those skills to cope and deal so she does things she shouldn't. Right before the holidays we had some problems with my mother and my sister Cammie and my brother Alex. I then decided that I needed to step back and reevaluate my current situation. I won't bore you with the details but if you know me you know my families drama and history of well issues. But after this last stunt my mother pulled and the trouble that my brother and sister had been in it just hit me that this was out of control and I needed to do something about it. I did not hardly visit or talk with my mother this last time she was in the hospital in fact I went out of my way to make sure every nurse and doctor that had any contact with her knew what a dramatic, sick, troubled women she is. I did not hold back I let loose on ever dirty piece of family history that could possibly get her put away in a institution for a long long time. It was then my younger two siblings let loose on me and my aunts about what horrible people we where and did not know what it was like. I have to say for the first time in 29 years I did not care. I was done being put through this hell of my mom and her OD's and relapses of drinking ect. I was done dealing with Alex and Cammie's "cries for help". I was done! Cammie has a horrible temper a mean streak a 100 miles long. It got hot and heated with yelling and screaming more so between her and my aunt but enough to cause the nurses to want to have everyone removed and security called. It was that day I decided to make some major changes!
Cammie and I really had it out Alex to. I have to say one of the biggest ever with more of the most hurtful things. This carried on up until recently. It didn't just happen because of my mom but other things between me and my brother and his personal life. But I think about 2 weeks ago is when I would say it was nasty and I stooped to levels I never though was possible. So bad in fact we where arguing back and forth on facebook. See told you new heights of maturity! And I am not proud but I had to get it out and at that moment at that time it just came flooding out. I went as far as to remove them from my facebook page, myspace page and my cell phone. At that time I was perfectly content in never speaking to them again. I felt I was only called when they needed something or wanted something or just to be a pain in the ass.
Moving forward...... So today during work as I was eating with my kids I got a flood of texts to my inbox. They where from Cammie. My first thought was oh lord she wants to go again what wonderful hurtful immature words can she send me now? But no I was wrong and now I am not one to forgive and forget and just be a doormat for people to walk all over but I read her text and it must have been read 3 or 4 times for it to really sink in. In her 5 page text she said she was sorry she needed to be mature now that she was turning 18, that she misses and loves me and the kids and wanted to be apart of our lives ect. I quickly responded I am busy we will talk later. I chatted with my aunt/godmother/mom on my break on her advice. I pondered it and realized she is my sister and will always be my sister and she therefor will always be apart of my life. I however have the power to control what kind of relationship I have with her. A few hours later and after heavy thought I decided to not be cruel and heartless and accept her apology. For now my contact will probably remain through text or email. She was grateful for the text and immediately asked to see the kids. I said fine but I have decided that she will not be alone with them she will need adult supervision because honestly I don't trust her. Not that she would hurt my children purposely but because of things she does. She also wants Sean to come spend the night. I am defiantly not ok with that. His dad, his step mom, me, my family no one is ok with that idea. I am sure this will cause issues but if this is going to work she has to respect that I am the parent and these are my rules and guidelines to keep my kids safe. I have been told that there was probably alterer motives in her wanting to work things out and while that's a possibility I do want it to be shown for the record that I did in fact make an effort. As for me and my brother you may wonder. No I do not think that things will be patched up anytime soon. Am I hurt by it yes but is it for the best? Yes I think so. Alex and Cammie have so much growing up and learning to do and while I know that's best learned in school they do not however agree and have chosen their own path. I know that maybe someday at some point things might be different for now this is how it is. Same goes for me and my mother. I am ok with my life now and ok with how things are. Its not the typical ideal family but for now its mine and I am learning to accept that. We just can not all have that Norman Rockwell family and its just a silly pipe dream to think that way. And after years and years of wishing I had this perfect well rounded family I accept that it is what it is and its not really all up to me on how we are. I am accepting it and moving on.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

And the week is over!

So here we are another week down and with that its been um busy I guess! Of course I say that and I am thinking sheesh what all did we do this week? Of course there was skating. There is always, always skating. And then there is work. I did celebrate my 2 year anniv. at the Community School this week. Wow really it's kind of scary to know its been 2 years. So much has happened in that time. Hannah landed a Lutz (a really hard jump two levels higher than where she is at right now) and a Camel spin( another maneuver 2 levels higher and hard seeing as you spin with your leg out behind you)! Wow my baby just impresses the heck out of me. Ella is still moving along but lately is in a goofy phase but we don't pressure her to much. We did some Top Golf Thursday. I am going to take some pictures the next time we go because watching my girls hit golf balls is HYSTERICAL! I swear they look more like hockey players when they are standing up on that green carpet getting ready to whack the ball. But they have fun and that of course is what matters to me. Its nice for them to do something other than skating! Speaking of we compete in a small local in house competition March 22nd at the Galleria. I do not have a schedule yet but give me a few days and I will post it up here.
So lets see we had a busy weekend also. Skating classes yesterday where once again they just did an awesome job. Hannah woke up with an ear infection and low grade temp but still went out and skated well. Ella did good but got silly and tried to bug the tar out of her coach! I was suppose to babysit but he and his daddy where ill so they had to cancel. Its ok though I think it was for the best. Last night I do not know what came over my children but they where rotten and I do mean rotten to the core! Sean is at this age where he thinks its cool to back talk and act flip. Oh I so hear the words of my mother now " I hope one day you have 5 kids just as bad as you!" I recall rolling my eyes and thinking god I am not that bad. Man oh man am I eating those words now! I love my son please do not get me wrong but sometimes I am just wondering what his deal is?! I know I know boys will be boys but lately after talking to some specialist I have realized that maybe there is more to it and we are working with it . I did drop the ball and forget to attend the 1st parenting course Thursday but hey I was sick that day and did not feel like sitting through that class. So anyways Hannah threw this massive tantrum that landed her in bed early and a nice cool down in the shower! Oh yes how can I forget the lovely tantrum my dear Ella bean threw that afternoon! Yes that sweet little princess had this massive blow out which had me slapped in the face twice! Yes that's right twice!!!! It hurt but it was also funny. I had to fight back laughing but man I was mad at her! She was super tired and shortly after crashed out for 3 hours! ( she later climbed in my lap and gave me lots of hugs and kisses and said sorry!)
Chris news......... So he got word tonight that no he will not be going to Hill (Utah)!!! That is a giant relief. I do not want to not sound supportive of him but ya know wow Utah is a big jump. He is happy to so if he is happy I am happy. We are counting down the days till he is here! May 13th just can not get here soon enough. We also just found out tonight that he will be here for Dist. in May so he will get to watch Hannah and Ella skate. He sounds excited about that also.
As for my place my dear sweet godmother/mom gave me an awesome offer last night that I so do not want to turn down Here is what she emailed to me the other night:LOVE you, my little James, read your blog page tonight and am so happy that you'll be seeing Chris soon. Let me know if we can get some friends together and have a BIG clean up in your apt. I can bring a vacuum, mops, floor cleaner, bathroom cleaner, and anything else that you might need!!!!................. So if you are interested in helping me I would love the man power. I just need to figure out a date and I will pay you guys with food hahaha. ( my aunt is giving me this as a gift for my bday!) Its not a lot of work but maybe just a few hours worth.
Oh one last thing Ella had pictures taken today for Sewtastic a children's Boutique. She won a photo contest and my friend Heather with Chunky Monkey Photography took the pictures. She looked adorable from what I could see. I can not wait to get these pictures and I will put some up here. Ella is in love with the dress and now wants to wear it all the time! Figures.
Well that's it for tonight. I am getting sleepy now. Maybe these Cysts will let me get some rest tonight. Last night was a joke. Have a great Monday all and I will blog again soon!

Monday, March 2, 2009

The swimming mind....

So my kids are finally in bed and I am sitting here letting all my thoughts kind of fall and collect around me. I realize now just how much I have going on. Between now and Summer is my busiest time of the year. My birthday along with my sisters birthday are this month along with spring break and a skating competition and a couple of photo sessions for the kids. April is Easter ( thanks for reminding me Heather!) Ella's 4th birthday, and her birthday party ,and Chunky Monkey's Easter Egg hunt. Then there is May ahhhhhh the month I have been waiting for since I think November. May brings some wonderful things but the one I am most excited about is........ the arrival of Chris. Chris will be here for almost 2 weeks! I am beyond excited but now realize just how much I have to accomplish to be ready for his arrival. Also the kids will be winding down from school and of course the girls will have Dist. in Duncanville for skating.
So now you might ask what all would the arrival entail of Chris's homecoming? Well my place is a disaster. Most of you know what a horrible landlord and property manager I have. My landlord more so than the property manager but still. I have had a barely livable place now for almost a year. Its beyond depressing I swear. More often than not I am stuck having to stay at my ex husbands place because something has gone wrong. Well between now and May I am going to get what I need done such as getting the air ducts cleaned since the dry wall dust created such a mess they needed to be cleaned, I am having a cleaning service come out and totally deep clean my place so that its sanitary and livable, I need a new stove and refrigerator ( know of any good deals?) and my bath tubs have the paint/sealant coming up and its a mess so they need to be redone, and other random junk that I dread doing. But sweet wonderful Chris is going to help me get a lot of this done when he is home on his mid tour break. I know yes I feel guilty here is a man who has been overseas and he comes home for a relaxing break and I put him to work. Well before I get attacked let me state that he did offer to help because he knows just how stressful this is for me. He is a wonderful man to help me out on this.
anyways I digress....... so I have just a million things and I thought I had more time to get things done and suddenly I realize its March! Wow I have so much to do and so little time. So you ask what is it that I have to accomplish well I have these stupid tickets that I have to take care of and I need Jason's help on getting them taken care of but that's not going so well. I really do not want to get into them but its just a giant pain, I have the papers I need to get this divorced finalized now to just keep that ball rolling because this has dragged on long enough, I need to work on renewing my lisc so that well I am legal and can enjoy the night out for my bday hahaha, I am contemplating about if I should take more time off when Chris is here since I know we have lots of things we want to do, I am also looking to some parenting courses to help Sean since he just got into this program at Shelton to help him with school, and just a million other things that would just drag this blog on and on. I hate that feeling that you do all this stuff and and in the end it does not feel like you made any progress at all but just made a bigger mess. That's kind of how things feel right now. UUUGGGHH I hate that feeling. I have started making this list and things that I can do on my break at work I do like call the lawyer, make apts for me or the kids, pay bills, and talk to Chris. Thats usually the only oppertunity I get is on break because of his work schedule and the time difference between here and Korea.
So anyways the weekend was pretty quiet which is quiet a change of pace but I won't complain it was nice. Sean went to the golf expo and had a blast. He now wants to play more golf. Eh what could it hurt right? I want to encourage him to do different things and Top Golf is up the street he has some free passes and a new golf club might as well let him loose who knows maybe he will be the next Tiger Woods! Hannah and Ella has skate school and wow they are just progressing like you wouldn't believe. For those of you familiar with skating Hannah landed some beautiful loop jumps that are HUGE! I mean wow her coaches are beyond impressed and I am to. Her flip jump is hit and miss but they changed her entrance to the jump and I think it has confused her a bit. Her sit spin is also great. I am ready to see this in action when we go to Dist. I can not wait to see her compete at this higher level. She has really impressed us all with how quick she is learning and progressing. Ella again just amazes me. She is not even 4 and just goes out there like its nothing she learns so much and does so much it makes me so proud. She wants to learn everything and teach herself everything its awesome. She wants to be just like Hannah. She will wake up bright and early in the morning and say " I WANT TO SKATE!!!" I have to curb that enthusiasm but I know she loves it and if there was a way I would probably take her haha. So really the weekend was just low key. This weekend however will be a bit more packed and that's ok!
Oh ya how could I forget...... Ella won a photo contest and will be modeling this weekend and having her pictures done. She is super excited and I am to. My friend Heather with Chunky Monkey Photography will be doing the pictures and so I know they will turn out awesome as always. I have no idea what she will be wearing but I am sure it will be cute. She is glad to have gotten her hair cut so that she looks good for her pictures. Man does that little girl crack me up! She is for sure an old sole. As soon as I get the pictures I will post them both on Facebook and on Myspace. I swear pictures is my drug. I can not get enough pictures of my kids! I love them.
Well not much else to report this week should be fairly quiet and uneventful (knock on wood) just lots of work. I hope Kara comes back tomorrow. I babysit this weekend and I need to book Ella's bday party. I know there is other stuff but I am just having a brain lapse! Well good night all! Off to watch Jimmy Kimmel make Jason from the Bachelor feel like a total pig for what he did! Happy reading!

Sunday, March 1, 2009

picking up where I left off.........

So when I started this blog earlier this evening I realized that thisis best done if my children are well entertained or asleep. I am way to ADD to try and keep track of whats going on and write. So as most of you know or I am going to guess all of you know I have three kids. I love my kids they are my everything. Sean is just this amazing 8 year old that I just can not discribe. He is active full of life and just wants to love you and make you proud. And he does everything he does just makes me proud to be his mom. As most of you know we have been struggling right now with some school things but we are reaching some wonderful answers to help us better meet his needs. I am blessed to know some wonderful people who are there to help us and as for now we will not need medication because I think that for Sean that won't be needed. This is a child that has been through quiet a bit. But he takes it in stride and just goes with the flow.
Ohhh then there is my Hannah Banana my sweet girl. She is 6 and just as innocent and sweet as can be. She is definatly my athelete. She is a very gifted figure skater who has just really proved that she has what it takes to make a good competitive skater. She loves it she wants it and can not get enough of it. She is the popular child at school and well liked amoungst her peers. She is for sure my drama queen and has a flare for the theatrics. Hummm wonder where she gets that from hahaha. But I love her she is special to me.
And of course last but not least my Ella Bean! My little red head my strong willed baby. Talk about smart that child is as sharp as a tack! You can never pull one past her. She has discovered how to write her name and now loves writing and wants to learn more. She is almost 4 and acts like she is almost 5! She has this temper you just don't want to mess with. She is strong and independant. I love it I have raised a strong little girl!
So thats it those are my kids that is my life. My life which I love and live for daily. I love my job. I teach toddlers and I love that challenging job. I am trying to go to school. I want my Assoc. Degree. I really do. I am working now to complete my CDA (Child Development Associates credential) and I hope to have this completed before the summer. When I am not working I spend my time with my kids mostly my daughters and their skating. Yes did I mention my baby skates too and she is a hoot to watch. I hope you all enjoy following this blog. I am so excited that I started it. I look forward to your comments. I love love love getting comments on what I write. I hope to get pictures up soon to! Well a rerun of Grey's is on and then Army Wives ( I LOVE THAT SHOW!!). Well I am sure I will blog again tomorrow. Till then nite nite and sweet dreams!

So here we are......

I have finally decided its time to blog. I have had people say that you know maybe you would like blogging its a good outlet. I have been reading a friends blog and decided hummm why not. So here I am or I should say we ( me and my kids) I figured I love to write so lets do it lets write about all the trials and tribulations of well our life. So sit back and enjoy this crazy ride. I promise you should be in for a treat!