Tuesday, September 29, 2009


I guess just when you think maybe the worst is over or that it wasn't that bad you decided to let your guard down and WHAM!!! Ya WHAM!!!!! That's about what happened today. In my last post I wrote Hannah was fine that it was a fever virus well there is WHAM number 1!! Well her fever came back and Ella decided humm I like this I want a fever too and WHAM now I have 2 sick kids and I already caught a lot of grief about how much I have missed. Yep you know I enjoy missing work and taking care of kids. I don't need the money folks because I am made of it! **please not my sarcastic tone!** So now with two sick kids Jason and I agree that a doctors visit is in order and that's the plan. Today they went I thought humm its nothing but guess who gets the prize for being WRONG?! Yep I was wrong they had the flu. Now I will say judging by their behavior last night anyone would have agreed that they where fine and nothing to worry about. Tonight its all I can do to get them to sit up and take their meds. I am serious when I say this really this stuff hits quick! Beware please please if you child is coughing or has a fever take precautions because you could be dealing with this nasty bug that will knock your little one right out! Oh and the kicker is most places are out of Tamaflu but Jason did find Doughtery's at Preston Royal shopping center and they are making up two prescriptions so if you get sick forget Walgreens or CVS go there first they might have to prepare the stuff but you won't have to drive around looking for it!
The bigger WHAM of the day really caught me by surprise. Some of my family received, as well my sister put it, an evasive email tonight. Things have started to get nasty in the divorce that is not yet final yet. I sent this email because I feel alone, I am worried and scared. I need my family to count on and lean on. I need to know that when this really hits the fan I can look at them call them my support team and know they have my back. What this WHAM was for me today was Jason got served the papers for the divorce. Yea this whole thing is still going on. He was suppose to sign them back in April this would have been finished by May and now its October and here I am looking at a giant mess. Jason got served today and all it was for was to get his signature and be done with it. Now he thinks I am suing him and want stuff and I am being vindictive and deceitful. That's not it not even close. I don't want to take my kids from him, I don't want his possessions and I don't want his money I just want this over I want my life back and I want to marry Chris! Now he has yelled and screamed at me sent rude text messages and has told me he is getting a lawyer and it will go to court and it will get ugly. My stomach has sunk. I feel sick I am scared and I need some reassurance right now that my life is going to be ok that he is just mad and that this will pass. I can't put my kids through a nasty divorce I will not do that to them. I wish Jason would see that but he just thinks I am always out to get him. I did speak to him about an hour ago and he seemed civil and stuff but who knows. I am being polite and nice trying to make sure that he can see I am not out to get him I just want to get his signature that is all.
Life threw this curve ball I was really not expecting it. I know I am strong and I can get through this I just really need my family and friends right now to lean on. I am depressed about this and having to miss work. I feel like I am on the verge of losing this job and I can't have that I need this job. I love my job and I love my kids. I also need my paycheck. I feel like I am put in such a rock and hard place about this subject. I always feel like my job is in jeopardy when I have to call in. I even try to be flexible and I feel like I am such an inconvenience with sick kids. Life happens kids get sick I do what I do the best that I can. I can't call my mom and say please help with the kids I have to work. I don't have people I can have fill in around my house so I can go do my job. I really have no back up plan for this situation except for Jason but he is in the same boat is me. I just need to be able to step back and really just let it all sink in what is going on. I just need lots of good thoughts and prayers this way so that I can make it through this nightmare.
Well my eye lids are getting heavy I should try and rest I have meds to give and temps to be taking tonight. I know tomorrow will be a quiet day of just laying around. I will start cleaning what I can and taking strict measures to make sure I don't get it or spread it. I hope Chris calls soon. He is a voice I really need to hear right now. I need to just hear it and know things are going to be ok. A month from Friday he will be home. That just puts a huge smile on my face.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

A quiet weekend in thought

With Hannah sick this weekend I had a quiet weekend with no children. Sean just hung out at his dads house because we didn't know what Hannah had and didn't want to run the risk of spreading illness. I was and well am bummed that I didn't get to have my handsome man keep me company this weekend but at the same time it wasn't so bad to sit around do nothing and rest.
Yesterday though I was excited to escape this house and take care of a few things. I needed to get a book for Hannah to read at school and I went to Target for some food items to go in the kids lunches. I spent some time talking to my future mother in law on the phone and it was nice to hear about how well her trip is going to visit grand babies and her daughter. I actually spent a good chunk of time talking with friends and just catching up on things I have missed. I killed time waiting to talk to Chris because I knew it was a long night for him at the bar because they where doing thing where they hand out jersey's to the people who volunteer their time there to help out and each person gets a special nickname on their jersey. His was suppose to be SoCo but after the recent stuff with his Kidney's they changed it to "stones"! I knew about it for a while an it was hard to keep a straight face when he would bring it up. He also spent the day in Osan on one of his last shopping trips buying all sorts of goodies to bring home.
My night was really quiet and boring I was really down because I was so lonely and really wanted the company of my kids. You would think being around kids all week I would enjoy a day or two without any but really it makes me just lonely. I want to be needed, I want to hear "mommy, mommy!" I was so bummed out I actually fell asleep at 9:30pm. Yep on a weekend night with no kids I was out before 10pm. I was shocked. But I also was very sad falling asleep. When I get lonely all sorts of thoughts fill up my head. Sometimes its good but sometimes they are just sad. And while tonight I was trying to think of the good happy thoughts they where pushed away by some really sad ones.
I laid in bed and fell asleep thinking about Alex. I couldn't believe that it was about to be 6 months since he passed away. I started thinking how fast time had gone and then I got upset and started thinking I had forgotten his birthday back in June, but I hadn't I just pushed memories of that day aside to focus on other things. Its not that I want to ignore he is dead or that there are things there that will always be there to trigger the memory of him. I want him to be in my heart forever but........... I admit I never let myself grieve. I refused to look weak and incapable of handling what life had dealt me so I acknowledged his death and pushed on. No point in dwelling on it was my thoughts. He is dead and I can't change that so back to life for me and I will be ok. This line of thought while in my mind was the right thing to do I now realize was quiet the opposite. I will talk about thoughts and feelings but it has to be on my terms and my idea. I don't do well when people come up and ask me on the spot my feelings on things. I don't know its weird I suppose but its how I function. I will say though when I am in the right spot I am not afraid to share my thoughts and emotions just remember its on my terms it just works better for me that way.
On a happier note this weekend marks Chris and I's 1 year anniversary. A year ago this wonderful man came into my life and since then has done nothing but change it for the better. I don't even care that he calls me at random hours of the night to talk just hearing his voice really makes my day. (Now I hope he does realize that cuteness will wear off once he is back in the same time zone!!!). He called me this morning at around 5am and we where able to talk for I would say 3 hours! I like those type of phone calls because we really had a lot to say and lately have not had a lot of time to say it in. It put me in a fantastic mood. I apparently sounded like a teenager later when talking to Myranda but she knew how happy I am and she is defiantly one of those who knows how much I need the happiness. It was actually my turn to keep him up late. I think we finally got off the phone for the final time this morning around 2:30am his time. He was giving me hints to a surprise he has planned on the Friday he is due home. I have been given some weird hints and through the detective work of Teresa and myself we have come to the conclusion its a Fire Truck! Really don't ask its ridicules but the hints given are...... 1) it's outside, 2) its a sound I am very familiar with, 3) its moves I guess vehicle (though Teresa did say marching band!, 4) and I guess it makes a lot of noise. Apparently this will be coming to the school that day and it worries me when I was asked when nap time is. So for any parents and or teachers reading this that work with me I am apologizing in advanced because I am not sure what he has up his sleeve!
I am sitting here on my bed looking outside at the beautiful blue sky watching the trees blow in the breeze and it's just this perfect moment to remember my little brother and how happy he was and how happy he wants us to still be. He was a wonderful brother with so much love and happiness in his heart. I know that these past few weeks he has come to each of us, his siblings, family and friends, in our dreams not to make us sad but just as this gentle reminder that he is watching us that he is still here and he is still in our hearts. Each one of our dreams of him was so totally different we saw him in the way we knew him best. I saw him as the wild, loving, completely impatient teenager that loved his sisters and adored his nieces and nephews. So today while I want to be so sad and cry that he is gone I know that he would be upset with me so I just look at my window and smile and laugh because thats what he was good at doing and I knwo thats what he wants us all to do.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Back to "normal"......

Yep that's right my life finally headed to some sort of normal on Friday. My director Melanie helped get my check cashed so I at least had money for the time being. I took a chance and called BOA, spoke with a wonderful man named Drew who helped me get a temp card to get my life back up and running. I am was so excited. I was so thrilled I even managed to make it back to the school with 30 min left on my break and pay 3 bills!! I have never been so excited to pay a few bills! Life was really really good!!!
The evening took a few slight turns but it wasn't all bad. I did find out Sean got in some trouble at school. His dad and step mom handled it and filled me in. The punishment though was a week worth of grounding and that meant no TV, video games, electronics, ect. We had a good talk about what happened and how to prevent it in the future. He and I really had a great time talking and he really seemed to like the ways I came up with to keep him from losing his cool. I love my son and he feels so bad for what he did. I know it won't happen again. We also had just a good mom son talk too. My son is so brilliant and amazing. He came to me and asked about Chris. He wanted to know what our plans where, if we where going to get married, if Chris wanted to spend time with him and his sisters, if he loved them, does he love me, can he spend time getting to know all about Chris and vise versa, just so many wonderful well thought out questions. I answered all of them the best I could. I told him that Chris loves me and them and can't wait to spend more time getting to know them so much better, spend more time with them and be able to do things for and with them. He said he really wants to know all about Chris and what he does, what he likes and dislikes. He said this would help him so that he wouldn't get on his nerves or upset him. I honestly think this conversation went on for a few hours while we did some house work and got the stuff ready for the competition the next day. I can honestly say this was one of the best conversations I have had with my son in a while. I enjoyed it so much.
Hannah and Ella competed this weekend and if you are on Facebook you have seen the oodles and oodles of pictures. They did so awesome as always. There was a slight difference though and one that was very tragic. On Saturday the girls skating coach was hurt. She is a 73 yr old lady who acts like she is 33! She loves the girls like they where her own grandchildren. But Saturday she fell while coaching and broke her Femur. She had surgery on Sunday at 11am and had a rod and 6 screws put in. But despite all that distraction the girls skated awesome! Ella got 1st place and Hannah got 2nd place in her spotlight and 1st place on her synchro skating team. They beat a team that they lose to every year! We where the happiest parents of the happiest little skaters!
This weekend has pretty much ended on a high note. We love high notes in this house. The kids got to bed about an hour and a half ago. The girls got hair cuts today and they look so great. I think I had about 3 or 4 inches chopped off. The kids got along for the most part today and though Sean was bored out of his mind at the rink was super supportive of his sisters. So here is our count down as you can see we are getting so close to the end!!!


Tuesday, September 15, 2009

In over my head?

I was looking back at my blog archives and the last time I blogged this much in one month was March and if you look at the timing that was around the 6 week mark or so of Chris coming on his mid tour. And if you look now its about the same time frame for his homecoming. Tonight was one of those nights where I just had to ask myself.... Have I gotten in over my head?!

Most of you know that the returning of the school year has been a bit different for us than last year. School is a bit harder for us and taking up so much time in our already shortened evening. Tonight was no different. We had open house at my school so that lasted until 7pm and on a normal night that's usually when our homework is starting, then you had to factor in the kids needed to be fed and I am pretty much out of food till this bank fiasco is settled so McDonald's it is! I told the kids against my better judgment to just eat in the car that it was a special treat. Now 30 min behind schedule, and a cranky unfocused 7 yr old later we started homework. Reading tonight was a mess it just wasn't clicking with her, Ella was over tired and filthy from school and whining about her chicken didn't look right. I saw the pile of laundry stacking up to about the top of the dresser and the unvacuumed floor. I got super overwhelmed and thought how did I let things get so out of hand. I told Ella to get out her markers and make me some pictures and do her letters. This tends to make her happy and keep her calm. I diverted my attention back to a frustrated Hannah and encouraged her to read. I read some and she did to make it go a little faster. We discussed her answers to the question moved to her math and work sheet and I threw Ella in the bath and sorted laundry. I think I was trying to multitask a bit to much because from one room I heard " I hate this I can't do this I don't know what this means!" and from the bathroom I heard "Mommy I have soap on my face and I can't see looking up to the sky!!" I told Hannah stop deep breath take a break let me get Ella. I went into Ella finished washing her off quickly washed her hair, dried her off, brushed her hair and as a special treat said here is the lotion you get to put it on! Ran to the living room and finished up Hannah's work while now sorting laundry. Told her to get in the shower while I go run 3 loads and I will be back.

While I was walking I got upset. How did things get so complicated?! Why is this so hard? I thought of my list of things to get accomplished and that made me even more upset. How do you fix a vacuum cleaner that has a metal chain wrapped around the brush? How do you completely get rid of the roach/water bug problem? When will I see my coffee table and dining room table again? WHEN WILL CHRIS GET HOME?! When I got back in Hannah was out of the tub and Chris had called while I was putting laundry in. I told him he would be disappointed and upset when he saw the condition of the house when he got home. He kept saying its fine I do so much as it is and that its probably not as bad as I make it out to be. I told him thanks for being understanding but that this has to get better. I guess now its 3 steps forward 2 steps back. Last week was great this one well so far not so much. I did manage to get 3 loads washed, dried and put away by 10:30pm, the kids to bed by 9:05pm (ok well Ella was like 9:45pm) and a blog in before midnight. I am not complaining about my situation by any means I just get frustrated because I know there has to be an easier way I just can't figure it out. I know that working till 6pm really limits what I can do and I feel guilty that I only get a few hours with my children. But I truly love my job and it of course pays my bills. I think my weekend get away with Chris when he gets home is the cure to my overwhelming feelings. I am trying not to think of Christmas show practice that starts next week because that right there might put me over the edge!!! It will be exciting to see both the girls participating this year though so I know the outcome of it all will be so well worth it. I just keep telling myself this is a total learning experience and if things go our way this will be the last time we have to go at this for that long ever again!

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Oh what ever!

Well I didn't know if I would end up writing tonight but well here I am. This weekend turned out to be a bit more amusing and well eventful than I had planned. Never a dull moment I would say, right? Well with out further adue welcome to my fun filled weekend!
Saturday was pretty quiet I guess until it was time to head out to the rink. The girls compete next weekend and they must have "big ice" practice in order to be prepared. This was about a 3 hour ordeal. I of course was needed out on the ice to help get the girls placed ect. which is what I sort of expected. After an hour and a half of pure appendage freezing fun I took a break to head to Sonic for a nice pre 6 year old party snack. I ordered onion rings and a large cherry lime aide. I waited ever so patiently and what do I get a large package of burnt to a crisp onion rings and cherry lime aide that taste like seltzer water! I march back over request replacement items. after about 10 min I get those replacement items head back to the rink get settled to watch Hannah's practice and eat my yummy snack. These where cold saltless not so yummy snacks and my lime aide still tasted like crap! Maybe I shouldn't have been so darn upset when the whole thing fell off the bleachers to the ground. Oy Vey! Hannah's practice was great time to now head to a 6 year olds sleep over! Ouch.
Yes I said ouch. I along with the kids, Jason and his brother Joe (w are all mutual friends well I say friends lightly here not really but well you get the picture) walk in to a noise fest 2009! There might have only been 5 girls but oh my did it sound like 50! Sean jumped right in and Hannah, Ella and I booked it to the kitchen for some quiet and pizza. Hannah's friend Emily showed up and the girls clung on and decided they where partners the whole night and would not be like the hooligans! After a few hours I realized they are not having fun we packed up and headed home. Ella was over stimulated, Hannah was overwhelmed and Sean was overly out of control! We thanked the mom and bolted to the car. Jason and Joe where thankful that I said lets leave!!!! Heading home the kids crashed but little did I know my evening was just about to begin!
Sean and I are on the couch its around 9 or 10pm he is watching TV and Chris has called to check in say hi and talk. All is going well and I check my email around 11pm. I figured I would see if there was any drill team updates or responses from earlier emails sent out. I notice Bank of America has sent me a notice. I was thinking to myself "interesting I just got one yesterday stating my balance surely this has not changed that much since the?" I open it up and its a security alert there has been fraudulent activity on my debit card! I actually was calm and though maybe that DAP book I bought for work triggered something but I opened up my account and I thought my eyes might fly outta my head! 65 dollars over drawn?! What the heck something is not right. Suddenly I am seeing 40.00 charges for something I have never seen. There where 3 of these charges to be exact I was floored!!! 120.00 worth of pornography was purchased with my visa card! I could not believe it. I was panicking on the phone with Chris he told me to call the bank. After an hour of fumbling around with them I had my account blocked the story told a dozen times about what had happened, how I needed that money back its my grocery money and I am out of food! They said if there was a way to get money put in my account (Chris) and possibly plead my case with the fraud dept that they would remove the hold allow me to gain my available funds close the card off and have a new one reissued. FANTASTIC! I think around 1am this all settled down and I had made plans to retrieve my 100 bucks from my account but had to also call the fraud dept the following day and a few others to get this taken care of in a timely manner. I was exhausted!!
Sunday was calmish ha ha. Made my phone calls and had it all taken care of. We leave for the rink around 2pm and I would grab my money then! PHEW!!! Since I did nothing all day that worked up a Sonic appetite and I decided to forgive them for bad food yesterday and eat there today again. The girls skated and I decided I would make a nice dinner for the 4 of us tonight. We got home and Ella assisted me with potato peeling and cutting and chicken marinading! She was proud of herself. She decided that pancakes where more her deal for the night so instead of our yummy meal she had that instead. We ate and the kids loved it. I love it when they scarf down my meals! After dinner the kids where in a great mood. Chris called to check in and to say good night to the kids. He loves to do this but more often than not is so tied up at work he can't. The kids gladly take his calls when they get them. Ella rattled off her Christmas list but I don't think Chris actually understood this. Baby When you call tonight you will just love it just know it involves the American Girl Store! I can really tell now that he has taken to them and really wants to be apart of their lives. It is a joy and a relief he really wants to be their step dad. He wants to take care of us and love us as a family. I have found the most amazing man. I am so lucky so blessed and so thankful. I do not know if he will never know what he means to me.
So now my shows are on my kids where in bed by 8pm! I am in heaven. My kids are just really taking to a new schedule and it makes me so happy. I am happy with life right now. Yes though fought and picked on each other heading to bed and I did slightly loose my temper but I guess it could have been worse. Well night guys time for Army Wives and Drop Dead Diva!

Friday, September 11, 2009

This and that.....

Well its Friday night and I normally don't do my blogging because its my time with my son but he is so engrossed in this movie he is watching I figured why not. And its been one of those weeks so again why not.
Well some of you might know that every year Hannah has participated in the Dallas Galleria Tree Lighting Show. This year is no different she will be doing it once again right after Thanksgiving up until the week before Christmas ever Saturday with her drill team. She is super excited and I think I am to ha ha. This does mean we are officially about to hit the holiday season and that before we know it the holidays will be here! Wow who knew listening to Christmas music in September could inspire such though right?! Well last night we got some even better news. Ella Grace was asked to join the show this year. You might be asking well why didn't I put her in the show in the first place then. Well normally there is a policy that a child must be 5 years of age and at a certain level. Ella exceeds the level but is not 5. So I never bother asking about Ella because it seems pointless. But last night the owner of the rink approached Jason and I and gave us the "hush hush invite" She said Ella is mature, experienced and can handle this type of situation. I was floored and thrilled. Of course Ella was all about this and can't wait to begin her practicing. I hope everyone can make it out to see the shows this year it should be exciting.
Over the course of the last few weeks most of my friends had their men coming home from deployment. I am so happy for all of them. A year plus without your mate is very difficult I have come to learn. And most of my friends have young children to so to all of them my hats off for a year well done you survived and life will go back to normal. I am trying to keep my enthusiasm up ect but deep down I am jealous and frustrated I want that to be me. I know how childish right. I should be happy for all my friends who have their family reunited and regaining a normal life. I want the best for all of them so please do not take this the wrong way. And today I let it get to me. Hearing stories from friends and all and all the mean while Chris might be stuck there a little longer due to all this Kidney stuff. So I just get really down and upset about it all. Actually I feel I have developed a bit of anxiety lately with all this. I haven't made things any easier for Chris and I feel horrible. I hear this is all normal so I will try and be a more normal sane fiance but it will take work haha.
A busy weekend ahead. Lots of skating. The girls compete in Arlington next weekend the last one of the season. Then ice show work. The girls have been working very hard and I am very proud of them. They had a great week. Hannah will be working with a tutor on Tuesdays to build up reading skills and that has made a world of difference in her behavior already. They had a great week at home and have shown lots of growth and maturity. They have done things this week that have brought tears to my eyes and made me feel proud to be their mom. I only wish I would have had the camera on hand to capture these moments. I love how my girls are just growing up and starting to spread their wings and learn how to fly. I am proud of them and all they are accomplishing. So while I am smiling about this I think I will end this blog for the night. Maybe I will write more this weekend. Night!

Monday, September 7, 2009

Things I have learned in the last year....

Whooops I started this a few hours ago and my evening just kind of got away from me but now that the kids are asleep and laundry is drying I will now proceed to my weekly journal entry....
So in the last year I have experienced a lot of things been through a lot of things and met a lot of new people. This has brought on new learning experiences for me. Some are good and some well are why I say live and learn.
1. Always listen to the gut... its telling you something and it must be right by god!
2. People are not always who they appear to be. Never let your guard down till you are aware of who they really are. Just ask around.
3. Once a liar or a cheater always a liar or a cheater. I got a few ex's who fall into this category.
4. Pleasing everyone is stupid and a waste of time. Be yourself or be alone.
5. First impressions really are the lasting impressions no matter what people say. That goes for everything just do it!
6. Family is really just the most important thing there is around. Yes they might be screwy or backwards but they are family. There are the exceptions to those rules and I will say my family has a few. But I want to do what ever I can to keep those in my family close to me so me and my kids will have lots of memories to cherish when we are all older.
7. Being a single parent is hard. Being a single parent who works to much with multiple kids is even harder. Being a single parent with multiple kids who have multiple things going on and schooling is mission impossible!!
8. Being with out the person you love for extended periods of times teaches you what you value most and appreciate all things in that relationship.
9. Even when you think they aren't listening you kids will more often than not come back to you at the worst time usually and repeat what they overheard you say! Don't kids just say the darnedest things?!
10. Sacrifice is a part of life. It sucks and its hard but it makes you stronger. You should really try it.
11. periodically weed out your friends. I don't mean get rid of your BFF but look at who you associate with. Are they good for you? Are they they for you? Do they truly care about your happiness and well being? If you go through your messenger list, fb friends, phone book, ect. I bet you can remove more people than you thought and 9 times out of 10 you wouldn't even hear from them anyways so its not a total loss.
12. Gaining new friends, meeting new people is a great thing. I have met so many new people this year that I can enter into my circle of friends. It makes me feel so good about myself.
13. Sometimes those who might have let you down accidentally can redeem themselves in ways that you would never imagine. Go ahead give them a chance you might be blown away.
14. Kids are amazing simply amazing. They are the best teachers we have.
15. Last but certainly least. IF AND WHEN PEOPLE WANT TO HELP YOU LET THEM!!!! This does not make you a failure or not good enough. We all need help sometimes and when there are people around lending a hand take it. You will be a better stronger person for it. These people who help you must really love and care about you if they would make that choice to jump in and save you when you need it the most. Trust me this was a big lesson learned for me this weekend. Chris you have proved to me that you are my rock you are my savior. I love you for all you do for us. I know you wouldn't do what you do for us if you didn't truly love us, care about us and want the best for us. I love you so very much.
Here is the official count down as of tonight. He is almost there!!!!!
15% left to go!!!!!
Also we are planning to go to Dick's and possibly House of Blues the Saturday Nov 14th we want all our family and friends to join us to welcome Chris home. He has requested Dick's and I am throwing in HOB since its across the street and I hear its so much fun. Let me know if you are up for a fun night on the town!!

Thursday, September 3, 2009

School is back in......

Last week the kids stared back at school, and while I was excited at first about them going back and learning and being entertained for the day I decided after day 3 that maybe this was not what I was looking for. I forgot how much I would have to change my evening schedule to accommodate homework, reading and early bedtimes. I guess I just had this all in my head how it would work out but apparently 2nd grade is much different than 1st grade.
The first and second night was mostly papers for me to fill out ect. I was ok with that. Then Thursday night was the mother load. I was totally unprepared. Hannah had skating and I didn't bother to ask about homework and goodness i was in for a surprise when I got home. Her assignment was to read a 12 page version of Cinderella and then on this sheet of paper write and draw what was the beginning middle and end. This was one of those big text books so I was just not prepared for that I thought it would be one of those cute decodable books she had last year that took like 15 min to read. WRONG!!!!!!! An hour and a half later, yes yes you read that right, an hour and a half later we finished it all! I wrote a note telling the teacher that maybe a mistake had been made and she was not ready for 2nd grade because my goodness Hannah could hardly read. We where both in tears by the end of the evening. Granted it was now about 10pm but still she told me she hated reading and it was hard and she was stupid and that she couldn't do it. My heart broke and I felt like a failure. I am her mother, a teacher, her rock and now I have just let her down. I cried as i wrote the note to her teacher.
Here we are a week later and we are going round and round with the I am not good enoughs, I hate reading, and I am stupid. These things hurt me deeply to hear about my sweet Hannah. She used to love to read and never had a self esteem problem. She struggled through her homework again last night and all the while I am watching her write the answers to questions and I can't read a dang word on the sheet because her spelling is about as good as her reading. Did the summer really turn her brain to mush? After drying our tears again I told her to go to bed I would finish up signing off on her work and clean up her mess. I just had to sit on the couch and really think about what to do next. A friend of mine who is a reading and handwriting specialist at a DISD school has offered to help so next Tuesday Hannah will work with her. I feel some relief with that. Though what happened next made me feel even more at ease. Her teacher wrote an email to me about how she knows Hannah is struggling to keep up and she is doing some testing and we will have more answers next week on how to do it and gave me some helpful pointers and stuff to do to make reading fun again. I again cried ( yes, I know I cry a lot over this!) and wrote her thanking her so much and how Hannah is so happy to have her. What most of you don't know is that this teacher had Sean for his 2nd grade teacher and he as most of you know is me reader! He would read all day long as many books as he can find and never tire of it. So I think this might be a reason Hannah feels the way she does. I think she compares herself to how Sean was and maybe what this teacher is expecting since Sean was so exceptional at reading. Anyways I sent the email to Chris because he knew how much I was stressing out over this and his responses made me feel so much more at ease. He wants Hannah to get the help she needs and he would help do whatever it takes to do it, he wants to just be involved. I felt so much better hearing this also.
Thankfully tomorrow is Friday and we have a long weekend. I think Hannah already needs a break from school. I know I sure do. Her drill team has a exhibition this Sunday at 10am at the Galleria so I know she is looking forward to that. If you can you should come see they are super cute and skating to Boogy Woogy Bugle Boy. Also if you are interested the weekend of Sept. 18th Hannah and Ella compete in Arlington at the Parks Mall. This will be there last competition for the year as we prepare for the Holiday show starting here in a few weeks. Lots of rehearsals ect till Thanksgiving. This should help pass the time and help Hannah get away from school stresses.
An update just because I need a distraction....... We are officially at the 60 day marker. Chris has started his out processing and will get more info about his flight next Tuesday. He has roughly 5-6 weeks left of work and he will be heading out. He also finally got to see a doctor and he has 3 kidney stones and a infection. He will know more on Tuesday about what will happen next with that. So yes 60 days folks I can live with this. And once he is here I have 10 days of him here till he goes to get his stuff and move in. I am excited to start a new chapter in this life. I feel that things will real be heading for the better here soon. Don't you think?! G'nite all!