Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Busy! Busy!

Evening folks! I promise to make this blog a bit more enjoyable than my last. I was just having a real down time with things and had to vent so to speak.

So this past weekend was wonderful in so many ways. Friday night my husband came home and we attended a wonderful rehearsal dinner for my little sister Jenny. Jenny is my middle sister who lives in Austin. Her husband Nate is such a wonderful man. He is so smart, funny and loves my sister like mad! We had a great dinner at Momo's where we sat and talked the night away with family. I loved sitting with my sisters and cousin Kristen reliving our childhood days and the crazy things we did. I have to say Jenny's hair dying faze topped the chart! HA HA!

Saturday Chris and I had an enjoyable breakfast at Chick-fil-A. Then off to run last minute errands and grab Sean. The wedding was at 7pm at my cousin Kristen's house. She has raised Jenny like her own daughter for the last 12 years and she has done an amazing job. Her house was set up quiet nicely inside and out for this wonderful ceremony. The service itself was held out doors. Yes it might have been a steamy June night but with the nice breeze no one seemed to mind. The service was lovely short and sweet. Nate was not afraid to show his emotional side. I have posted the pictures to my facebook page I hope to have more from others soon to post. We had a great time and stayed till Jenny and Nate where ready to call it a night!

Sunday was Sean's 10th birthday party! Wow can you believe on the 22nd he will be 10 years old?! The time is just flying by! We had his party at the Galleria. He wanted to do broomball so him and about 7 of his friends went and played for an hour. We had some wonderful cake and Cici's pizza. I think the party was a hit. Thank you so much David and Myranda. We had a great evening!!

Monday morning was my doctors apt. Chris and I have been a little nervous about it due to what has been going on. Of course what kind of morning before a doctors be without what I later found out where contractions. I woke up did my usual routine of a breathing treatment ect. and decided to lay back down for a few since I was tired. I started having the most horrible cramping you can imagine so bad you can't talk or move! It's been 5 years since I have had pains like that so of course I really don't remember what the "real" contractions feel like. Of course this caused Chris to worry a little and when I was able I said I was fine and why worry in an hour we would be at the doctors. It happened a few more times so I casually mentioned some severe cramping ect. She looked alarmed and then I was really alarmed! I was put on monitors for a stress test for 20 minutes to check Hunters movement and see if they detected anymore contractions. Fortunately for both of us nothing happened except a child who really, really does not like the monitor pressing on his "home"! He did plenty of movement for everyone to be satisfied that I would not need to be admitted to the Ante Partum unit again! Thank you son!!
They also tested for infection and all came back clear! They did say if I continue to have these contractions to call ASAP for a recheck. We also discussed my lungs and agreed that I should check in with that doctor this week to make sure all was clear on that end too. I have an apt. later this week.

As most of you know I am trying to finish up my Child Development Associate Certificate. This has been a long process due to so much family stuff coming up preventing me to complete it. The time has come now and now I am registered for the summer course at Brookhaven. I meet with my professor/ advisor on Thursday to check out my resource file ect. and make sure I have everything completely 100% in order ready for my evaluation from the evaluator from DC! It has been quiet nerve racking actually. I hope that I have this completed well before Hunter decides to arrive. That is my goal and I feel very strongly about it. I just hope everything is the way it should be Thursday so that I can get this show on the road!

Well that about catches everyone up for now. I am sure I will blog this weekend. Hope everyone has a wonderful week. Time to go catch some zzzzzzzz's!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Not myself

Life has been good since being home from the hospital. I had this new found momentum and was zipping around nicely through the house cleaning, organizing, making dinner ect. This week though for some reason I have started to crash out. It started when my dishwasher decided to not work. So of course making my nice elaborate dinners after that was a chore because well everything used had to be washed by hand. Ok so it's not horrible right but still not how I like to do things. That was going great till the sink plumbing decided to back up into said crapped out dishwasher and then spill it's smelly nasty contents to my kitchen floor and my feet. So now no dishwasher and no sink. So that means very very limited cooking. Where is the plumber you might ask. Well since my landlord found the only man who won't work past 5pm and do not give authorization to OT, I am to patiently wait till 9 am Saturday morning for my plumbing king to arrive. Yes I could call and protest this with my landlord but for reasons I just don't want to get into right now I am not and will just suck it up.

While yes that situation up above shouldn't lead me to feel the way I do it's now that I am trying to complete my Child Development Certification and I am trying to get that together and organized for my professor/ advisor next Thursday afternoon. I spent my whole weekend going through my storage bin of school stuff to get that organized. I also need to finish some training certification that I started back in early March. I spent a good 10 hours on that this past weekend also. While yes that sounds productive I managed to do laundry just be lazy and not put it away. I made dinner and let the dishes sit. This for me lately is not how I work and has made me feel terribly guilty and well lazy. My living room used to be so clean and spotless now it's covered in books, papers, training material and other such stuff. My cool Poang chair from IKEA is covered with all sorts of school books, training books and other such resources. I have never felt so not me. I have really been hard on myself for this sort of thing.

Here is the deal. Every time I have been pregnant I have prided myself on being a hard worker who does my job every day and does what and more is expected of me. I never use being pregnant is a excuse or reason to not do my job. I am pregnant not disabled. I don't ask for extra breaks, I don't ask for special requests I just do what I would do if I wasn't pregnant. I work 9 hours a day if not more, come home make dinner, bathe my kids, clean my house, do laundry if needed and any sort of training or school work. I don't have or ask for any help. I do what any respectable working mom would do who prides herself on her work ethic. There is just this part of me that still feels like it's not enough especially right now. I have heard through others at work that most expect me to be lazy, use this as an excuse and just do the bare minimum. It sends me over the edge in frustration and anger. THEY DON'T KNOW ME! THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM CAPABLE OF!! I have since the day I knew I was pregnant work just as hard if not harder to show that even though I might be pregnant I cam still as good as I once was if not better. I waited till I couldn't wait anymore to make public that I am because I know how judgemental some of my coworkers could be. I was right. So sad.

Of course I still get the crap about having so many kids ect and that "I don't need anymore" and "Don't you know what causes that?"! i just try to shake it off but still. This pregnancy has had far more problems that I have ever encountered. Not just this stay in the hospital but things I have found out while I was there. I never expected any of this and while it has caught me off guard I have to stay on track and stay focused. Until you know my situation and what is going on it's really no business of any ones how to judge my capabilities. And while yes in a few months this will be over honestly it will not. It will be the start of other issues that have to be dealt with. Things that honestly I am not sure yet I am ready to share and discuss. Things that Chris and I are still trying to mentally prepare for. Yes these are huge "what ifs" But they are still there and still a part of our decision making and life. We pray we get lucky and avoid these uncertain outcomes but only time will tell.

I want this pregnancy to be a happy, wonderful, joyous time. This will be my last time to ever enjoy this wonderful amazing experience. We want to live it to the fullest the best that Chris and I can. I want this to be positive and exciting. We want our family and friends to feel and be the same as us with this. We love this life we have created and are so excited about all we have ahead. We want to share that with everyone and hope they feel the same.

So yes I am not feeling myself and maybe once Chris comes home for the weekend and I have my partner to tag team in for a few days that might help me get back on track. I want to feel me again and be the person I was. I know I will just need to be patient with myself and know soon she will be back.