Tuesday, March 31, 2009

So long. Farewell.

Alex was always in my room and in my stuff!

He always had a way to make you laugh

Alex and Cammie where always together!

Our Christmas card I have no idea what year that was

Alex just being Alex

And we all love his trade mark crazy hair style!

Well ok here we go just going to let this go where ever it takes me.
Today we said good bye to Alex Tyler Goldstrich. My baby brother my wonderful sweet caring baby brother. I look back now and think about the last few days and all that has taken place. Since Friday its just been a whirl wind of events. Friday is still and probably always will be a blur to me. I can remember the phone call and walking out to Aunt Ann's car. I even remember getting to my grandmothers. Most of that though is sort of a blur. The one thing I recall well is them bringing Alex out to take away for the final time. He was cold, stiff and blue. I laid my head on him and said I was sorry and said good bye. I become almost in denial this was in fact happening. Saturday was more of just a blur. I saw my sister Dana and Jenny. We did lunch and got manicures. Bizzar I know but the relaxation I really sort of needed. I do not even really remember much more about that day but that. Sunday we went to get an outfit for Cammie to wear did lunch with Dana and Aunt Sue and talked. Dana wants Cammie to live with her I think that's a grand idea. After they get back from Maui we will see what becomes of that. So now we have reached today, Monday, the day we lay him to rest and say our final good byes. I slept in since I finally went to be around 4am. I moped around and finally decided that I needed to have outfits for everyone to wear. CRAP! After a agonizing trip to Kohls and a Burger king run I decided I could not put off the inevitable much longer. Me and the girls went to Mimi's house and got ready. After fixing up me and the girls we where ready to go. I did everything I could to distract myself from the car ride there. We arrived and oddly enough I am fine almost normal. I walk in and see family friends people I had not seen in years. I decided its time to walk in and see my brother. Cammie at that time was not up for sharing. I stood by her. not even able to shed emotion but stand there and think who is that body in there and why am I not sad? I wondered back and forth for a while until the service started. The man doing the service sucked. I am sorry I know its rude but man he was lame. Cammie was the first to speak she was a mess. Her other half is gone forever and she has to figure out life on her own and she is not used to that and I do not know if she ever will. A few friends spoke along with Maggie who is Alex's best friend and we just love her and John his boyfriend off and on for many years. They had such wonderful things to say such great memories. The after that I decided I needed to go and speak and I did. I couldn't tell you what I said but apparently everyone loved it. Shortly after more poor speaking from this guy the service ended. We had one last chance to say good bye and it was awkward. I had said i was sorry already that Friday as they wheeled him out but now what do I say what do I do? So I just said so long farewell my sweet brother I miss you so much and will love you forever. The girls even said good bye and looked at him. Please know that I debated long and hard on if this was good for them but I went with my gut and my kids feelings and prepared them ahead of time for what they would see. I did not force the issue at all with them and I know that it was probably hard to grasp at their age but I think this was the closure they needed. So just know I thought this out and I am sure I will I have spent two hours trying to complete this I have been stopping to look at pictures and just well think. It was very nice to have friends there tonight to. Lauren, Kris, Melanie, Laurie and Heather. It was good to have someone besides family to talk to and socialize with. I love you guys very much and appreciate you being there. I know Kara wanted to be there but its ok I forgive her! Well its now after 1am and while I am not tired I know I should try to rest. My girls are sleeping soundly on either couch right now and I am glad sleeping peacefully. I hope to be back at work by Thursday because I do not know what to do with this time off. I know that I need to keep busy so I am just trying to make plans to get out of the house and just do stuff till I go back to work. Again thank you everyone for your kind words and sweet gestures I appreciate them. And my house smells wonderful right now with all these flowers. And the plants I got are great now lets pray I keep them alive! Well I think I will go cuddle up in bed with my girls and try and get some rest. Till next time sweet dreams and thanks for reading.