Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Not so judgmental

At some point in our life we have sat back and judged people around us for the way they do anything from keeping their home clean to how they dress and the ever popular how they raise their kids. Of course from an outsiders perspective it is easy to make a snap judgement on a situation we may actually know nothing about. I admit that has been me before. Its easy to pass judgement on a situation that looks so absurd to us. The last few weeks more and more I realize how horrible it feels to be judged when those around you have no idea what is really going on.  
Recently we noticed some problems that we could not longer avoid. For those that just recently saw us at Ella's party you are aware of the signs we could not longer avoid. It wasn't that I was in denial or that I was afraid to hear the truth it was just that I am a teacher, I am on top of things, and these things do not happen to us. With talking to his teacher, the trainers at his school and my sisters I knew the steps I needed to take because it was what I needed to do not only to help him but to also gain some piece of mind for all of us. 
Backing up a bit for those who might be confused or just have no idea what is going on. Around H's 1st birthday I realized that child could through a fit like no ones business! Usually with those fits there was no real ability to console him we just had to let it ride out. He was not ever a fan of lots of people especially in close proximity to him. Certain sounds he could tolerate but the higher the frequency the more anxious and unglued he would become. The last month or so his ability to be in the light bothers him. He hides his eyes when the lights in the room are to bright or when the sun is out. The behaviors that really had concerned us though was his aggression not only to his peers but himself. He has been biting more and more sometimes it is provoked sometimes its just at random. There are times he will start to laugh after he causes hurt to his peers. This has really upset us. He also has started to bite himself, pull his hair out and when he gets mad enough throw toys or items across the room and empty table in shelves.
After the break down that he had at Ella's party we decided that it was time to take the next step and figure out what was going on. I spoke with his teacher and the trainers and in the interim while trying to get him help we would be detectives and see what did and did not work. We would chart his biting and just see what triggers caused certain behaviors. We met with his pedi who agreed that we would start occupational therapy and speech therapy at West Texas Rehab. She also stated that when we came back for his 2 yr check up if we had not seen any improvement we would get set up with a behavioral therapist. Upon discussing this info with the trainers at H's school we agreed calling ECI ( Early Childhood Intervention) and get an evaluation and hopefully therapy with them also. 
With all this I am sure you are now wondering what all this means. What we are looking at is PDD ( Pervasive Developmental Disorder), Sensory Processing/Integration Disorder and the possibility of Aspergers. Until we start our official treatment his teachers will continue to document behaviors and report back to us daily on events, keep things very routine and consistent, avoid large outings, most importantly following his cues. Today to prevent further issues with the hair pulling we gave him a hair cut just like his daddy. We limit outings to one major one daily. School is usually our major outing. Depending on how the evening plays out we might get a dinner out or a run to a store. Today however I pushed it and ended up power walking up and down the isles at Albertson's with a child who was completely over it. I am just glad I didn't opt to go to Walmart!
Looking back I used to make a snide comment under my breath or to whom ever I was with when I saw a child becoming unglued in public. I used to think " Geez what kind of parent are they to let their child behave like this!" I know now that maybe that parent is dealing with the same things we are. Our child is not spoiled or in control of us. He is a child who is trying to figure out what the world around him means and that when he has had enough he can not tell us so he has to do what he knows best and that is just becoming unglued.  Of course this is not an excuse for his behavior but a simple insight for those who make the looks, the comments, the glares to think twice. Sometimes it is not always what it seems and that we should not always be so quick to pass judgement until we full know that person's situation. Walk a mile in their shoes and maybe one day you will understand.