Monday, March 19, 2012

Sleepless in Abilene

Lately well since about the time change I have stopped sleeping. I mean I get sleep but not like I used to. I can lay in bed and just not unwind enough to sleep. I have come to the point of only getting 1 to 2 hours and not waking up completely exhausted I wake up able to complete tasks I need to do. I have noticed that my memory has taken a nose dive and I will forget what ever I am talking about and lose track of what is going on.  My personality has even taken a slight change. For now I am letting it go I mean I am sure my body will eventually scream for me to sleep but till then I keep on trucking.

Next week marks the anniversary of the death of Alex. I was on a spouse page tonight for Dyess and a topic struck me that made me feel all that hurt and regret I had from Alex's death. Before Alex died we had a huge fight on Facebook. So big in fact I think most of siblings got involved in it. I had no idea at the time it would be the last time I would speak to my brother. About a month later I got a call that he had died. I went back later on to look at his page and realized our fight was still there. It was like a punch to the gut. Words on the Internet that would be there well until his page no longer existed. The guilt over came me and at that point I made it a point to never leave things on a bad note or ill terms with anyone. Who knows what tomorrow might bring.

To go back to where I as going with this, I had seen so people having a hard time remaining adult like and remain kind to one another. I decided this would be a good time to share my story and make people realize words on forums such as Facebook are there for all to see and can really do more harm than good. I wanted people to know there are things I said that day I can never take back and I said it all heat of the moment and did not honestly mean for it to be there forever. I encouraged my friends to think hard before they hit that send button. Those words said might night ever be able to be taken back and I would never want anyone to feel how I feel about my brother.

Spring break was great. I had 4 days of leave and took total advantage of that time with my kids. We had fun things planned every day and wonderful meals at home together. I have to say despite a few bumps in the road it was a great trip. I hate that the time goes by so fast and that I have to send them back but summer will be here before we know it. I still have Ella's birthday coming up and I am sure I have a few weekend trips planned in April and May also. I am working on putting up some of the pictures of our outings on Facebook. Some of our outings H came to join us but I made sure to just do stuff with Sean, Hannah and Ella since our time is so limited. I honestly think they enjoyed that time.

I guess now with my new found insomnia I can get more school work done. I am doing well but could stand to do better. I have a bunch of stuff for school coming up soon and I have to buckle down. As long as my brain does not completely become mush I should be golden. I guess pray that this sleeplessness works in my favor.  Well back to work I go. Good night?