Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Just feel like writing

It's a quiet night here at the house and I am taking this opportunity to write. I meant to mention in my last blog about our fun filled cousin luncheon at the Olive Garden. Recently on Facebook my dad's side of the family have been reconnecting with one another and so sent a mass email and decided a date to all meet, greet, eat and have fun catching up. I was thrilled because I love seeing family when i can and I spoke with one of my half sisters, Robyn, and she said she would go and we decided perfect we will go and hang out and see who shows up. My aunt Sue from California made it along with her son Gary who lives here in Dallas. Both of them I have not seen since my brother's funeral. My other half sister Dana was present as well. she is also someone I have not seen since the funeral. We sat together and after passing around the family tree and joking my half sisters and I came up with a name for ourselves..... The Three Wives Club! Why would we want to be called that you ask? Well my dad was married 3 times and had 9 kids. During that meet and greet one child from each of his marriages was attending. Dana was from my dad's first marriage, Robyn was from my father's second marriage and I was from his last marriage.
I am seeing the repercussions of this divorce on my children and I have decided that maybe some counseling might be in order for them. I have done my best to keep the drama and fighting out of their lives but I guess I have failed. Last night was a good point to how I am just not able to shelter them. Tuesday night Jason and I text back and forth about the divorce. Not wanting to discuss the matter since I am under the advice of my lawyer not to, I told him I didn't want to talk about it. Apparently that wasn't an answer he wanted and proceeded to show up unannounced and cause quiet a stir in my house. I have never remained so calm while feeling intimidated but I had to because I didn't want the girls anymore upset than need be. After 20 minutes on the porch dealing with it I looked over to see Ella on the floor with her Spider hat she had made at school. She was so upset and distraught she was tearing it all apart. I looked at Jason and said this is over I have to take care of Ella she is upset and needs me. I cried and cried seeing her the way she was. I reassured her that she was ok and that everything was fine. I guess hear it and seeing it just really made it a horrible situation, just like I had figured it would. The rest of the evening was shot. Hannah was distracted and upset and Ella was sobbing until she fell asleep. I knew then that I needed help, my kids need some help.
Today was better and I think Jason and I have worked things out to the best of our ability. We are still on track for this to be over in a week or two. Trust me everyone will know as soon as I find out. I want what is best for the girls and I want to keep them out of this as much as possible. I hope Jason can see that soon.
This weekend is my last weekend alone. That is such a thrilling thought. Its going to be actually filled with activities so I know it will help the time pass quickly. Actually to be all honest this is feeling more like a dream now. I know when I think about Monday coming I think how it may or may not effect me. I know my mind will be busy with activities I have going on. I have to get this house cleaned and there is just so much to do. Anyone like house work?! I am in need of some help ha ha! Sean has a Boy Scout event Saturday morning till sometime in the afternoon. Yvette has invited me to come hang out Saturday evening pass out candy and watch chick flicks, and my sister and her man want me to go to Magic Time Machine with them for a costume party. I am hoping to do both but I don't think that will happen. But a night of chick flicks, wine and chocolate I might have found my evening lol. Sunday will be more cleaning and preparing for the week. I will do my best to blog this week before Chris comes home. Chances are I won't do an update till Sunday night. I am thrilled this roller coaster of a year is ending. Now the real fun begins. Starting a new life is fun. I have some changes in mind for me but I am not ready to share quiet yet. This is still a work in progress. Thanks to everyone for the love and support you have given me. I love all of you and it means more than you will ever know.