Just feel like writing

It's a quiet night here at the house and I am taking this opportunity to write. I meant to mention in my last blog about our fun filled cousin luncheon at the Olive Garden. Recently on Facebook my dad's side of the family have been reconnecting with one another and so sent a mass email and decided a date to all meet, greet, eat and have fun catching up. I was thrilled because I love seeing family when i can and I spoke with one of my half sisters, Robyn, and she said she would go and we decided perfect we will go and hang out and see who shows up. My aunt Sue from California made it along with her son Gary who lives here in Dallas. Both of them I have not seen since my brother's funeral. My other half sister Dana was present as well. she is also someone I have not seen since the funeral. We sat together and after passing around the family tree and joking my half sisters and I came up with a name for ourselves..... The Three Wives Club! Why would we want to be called that you ask? Well my dad was married 3 times and had 9 kids. During that meet and greet one child from each of his marriages was attending. Dana was from my dad's first marriage, Robyn was from my father's second marriage and I was from his last marriage.

I am seeing the repercussions of this divorce on my children and I have decided that maybe some counseling might be in order for them. I have done my best to keep the drama and fighting out of their lives but I guess I have failed. Last night was a good point to how I am just not able to shelter them. Tuesday night Jason and I text back and forth about the divorce. Not wanting to discuss the matter since I am under the advice of my lawyer not to, I told him I didn't want to talk about it. Apparently that wasn't an answer he wanted and proceeded to show up unannounced and cause quiet a stir in my house. I have never remained so calm while feeling intimidated but I had to because I didn't want the girls anymore upset than need be. After 20 minutes on the porch dealing with it I looked over to see Ella on the floor with her Spider hat she had made at school. She was so upset and distraught she was tearing it all apart. I looked at Jason and said this is over I have to take care of Ella she is upset and needs me. I cried and cried seeing her the way she was. I reassured her that she was ok and that everything was fine. I guess hear it and seeing it just really made it a horrible situation, just like I had figured it would. The rest of the evening was shot. Hannah was distracted and upset and Ella was sobbing until she fell asleep. I knew then that I needed help, my kids need some help.

Today was better and I think Jason and I have worked things out to the best of our ability. We are still on track for this to be over in a week or two. Trust me everyone will know as soon as I find out. I want what is best for the girls and I want to keep them out of this as much as possible. I hope Jason can see that soon.

This weekend is my last weekend alone. That is such a thrilling thought. Its going to be actually filled with activities so I know it will help the time pass quickly. Actually to be all honest this is feeling more like a dream now. I know when I think about Monday coming I think how it may or may not effect me. I know my mind will be busy with activities I have going on. I have to get this house cleaned and there is just so much to do. Anyone like house work?! I am in need of some help ha ha! Sean has a Boy Scout event Saturday morning till sometime in the afternoon. Yvette has invited me to come hang out Saturday evening pass out candy and watch chick flicks, and my sister and her man want me to go to Magic Time Machine with them for a costume party. I am hoping to do both but I don't think that will happen. But a night of chick flicks, wine and chocolate I might have found my evening lol. Sunday will be more cleaning and preparing for the week. I will do my best to blog this week before Chris comes home. Chances are I won't do an update till Sunday night. I am thrilled this roller coaster of a year is ending. Now the real fun begins. Starting a new life is fun. I have some changes in mind for me but I am not ready to share quiet yet. This is still a work in progress. Thanks to everyone for the love and support you have given me. I love all of you and it means more than you will ever know.

WOW!!!!!

I am sitting here finding the best way to write this as its been a while since I last wrote. More often than not when I go a while without posting it usually means either I am super busy and lots going on or well my life has gotten boring and I can't get motivated to write. Tonight I am beyond motivated to write because so much has gone on and I haven't really had time to stop and collect my thoughts to actually sit down and blog.
Right now I am sitting here watching Chris finish packing and cleaning the itty bitty room he has called home for the last year. As of today he will take what he has that was not being shipped and head for a hotel for the next 10 days. He is coming home. I who have always held so much doubt in myself, who hates to be a apart from someone I love, did it. I told Chris today I can pat myself on the back for a job well done I think on my part. His response was..." You just raised the bar on your level of expectations." In other words he will forever hold over my head that, I lasted 1 year with out him only seeing him for a few weeks in that time frame, for a very, very long time. This has given me such an amazing WOW feeling right now that I just can't explain, but those who have been through it will probably be able to catch my drift on this.
Yesterday was an emotional day for me. I sat back and thought about all that I am dealing with and just everything brought tears to my eyes. The ball is rolling fast now with the divorce. There is a 95% chance that by next week I will no longer be a Dimmitt. Yep that's right I could be heading to court the day Chris gets home to have this over and done with. After the deal with Jason I had this past weekend of him calling me spoiled and that I am getting everything and not going to get my way on this, I couldn't be more relieved and happy. Friday was a rough evening for me but I got through it and realized I had big important things to look forward to and think about. Its always good to have a strong support team around you. I have been thankful for this lately. The other reason I was so emotional was the movers came to Chris' dorm room and well whisked his stuff that needed to be shipped away to Texas. With that he also send 7 boxes to me. Well I say me but they are actually going to Myranda's. So ya heads up Myranda look for boxes to come here in a week or so. Scratch that I was informed that there is a possible 8th package now. Myranda I love you thanks for letting him mail stuff to you! As of right now his room is empty. He will leave there in about an hour or so head to a hotel and remain there till he leaves next Thursday. I get butterflies thinking about it.
Last night through instant message and Skype I was fortunate to finally really meet someone who has really been a God send for both myself and Chris. Her name is Adi, and she has been Chris' closest friend since being there. She has been there for him when he had a lot to deal with and also has been there for me to talk to when I needed someone other than Chris to explain things to me and make me feel a bit better about what was going on. I can tell once she hopefully gets here to Texas either by being stationed here or visiting we are going to be great friends. Adi I appreciate all that you have done for Chris while he has been there. You really are an amazing friend and I know that Chris really admires you and thanks you for that. You know that our house is always opened to you night or day! Stay safe and we will see you in February.
Switching gears a bit..... The kids are doing great. This weekend I will be going to a Scouting event with Sean. I am really excited about doing this with him. I know he is also happy to have me go along with him for this. The girls have been keeping me busy and I love it. Hannah is really improving in School and everyone can see it. Ella has parent teacher conference tomorrow so I am excited to see how well she is progressing this year so far. The ice show will be starting up soon and the girls have worked hard and I hope that everyone gets a chance to come see them skate. I will post a blog with all the information on it so that those interested can make it.
What can I say but life is good right now. A few bumps in the road but really its just been smooth sailing. The cards are dwindling down on the count down calendar and the holidays are right at our heals. This is a very exciting time for me right now and I hope it is for the kids. So many wonderful changes about to happen and I know its all for the best. I love the support I get from my family and I appreciate it more than you guys will ever know. I love all of you dearly.
Well Chris is about to leave so I will wrap this up with my ever famous display of the count down. Good night everyone!
With 3% left here is the break down:

1.44Weeks
10.08Days
241.95Hours
14,517.02Minutes
871,021.05Seconds

Psych!

Remember back in the 80's people would tell you something and it was mind boggling awesome and just when you where like "wow that's so cool" or "how did I get so lucky" you would get this feeling thing of excitement and energy to suddenly have that person go "PSYCH!!!! Yep that's how I feel right now. Its a mass of things that just have brought this on and tonight while in the kitchen cleaning, listening to fighting, yelling that homework needs to be done, and looking at the messes needing to be tended to I began to feel just like that!
For a while we had been on this steady rhythm of get home, get dinner make, homework done, bath, bed, cleaning, ect. The last two days have been so bumpy and disorganized I felt really out of sorts and grumpy because the schedule seems to have been tampered with or something. I got irritated and frustrated because I was cleaning the kitchen and Hannah needed help with her homework and in the midst of it Ella was taunting Hannah. After a few minutes I reached a stopping point that I could live with and walked to the living room. I gave Ella a work book and said here is your homework you need to find these shapes and try to write these numbers while I work with Hannah. I read Hannah her book and found the answer to the questions. She dictated how she wanted to answer them and I wrote them neatly on another sheet of paper so she could copy them while I went to the kitchen to finish cleaning and to try to get Ella in bed. At this point I don't care if what I did was not the right way but it was what worked and it was essentially Hannah's work I just wrote out the sentences she said and she rewrote it on the sheet.
With about 16 days, almost 2 weeks, to go I am feeling so much anxiety and nervous energy in me. How different will things actually be now? Will having him home for a few weeks help or hurt the system I may or may not have going? How will it effect the kids? How will it effect me? I mean honestly so much is going to change but so much will stay the same its weird. Having a extra adult body in the house will be really nice we can do a tag team sort of deal while he is here during the week and on weekends there will just be more time to get more things accomplished. On the flip side his being here during the week will only be short lived for now and during breaks and holidays. I don't want to get to comfortable with that and used to another person around either. I fear the kids will get used to it to. Not that I don't want them getting used to Chris that's not it but having him around to help ect. Its all just weird feelings and emotions and sometimes I think I might over analyse things. Guess we will just have to wait and see.
The magic day came and went. For those asking Monday the 19th was the day that if Jason wanted to contest the divorce he could. He had up until I think 5pm yesterday to contest. Now all the ducks are in a row, the T's crossed and the I's dotted. With all this they will go to court I will have to appear answer a few questions and within a few minutes the 2 year wait of being divorced will be final!! Wow all that for a few questions and it to be over. They are just waiting for the transfer from the AG office to them and the ball will get rolling on a court date. I was told it would be on a Friday around 9am. Now how funny would that be if this ended up happening on the day that Chris got home?! I doubt it but still right?
The kids are doing great. Report cards came out and they are super smart just like we knew they where. I am proud of them. Hannah has worked so hard with her tutor and it shows they said. Sean has really stepped it up this year and I am so proud of him. He is doing Boy Scouts and he really seems to like it. I am glad he found a place that he belongs and enjoys. Oh he is selling popcorn if ya want some let me know by Thursday the orders are due Friday. Ella has parent teacher conference next week. I have already heard from her teacher how well she is doing and that she is just a joy to have in class. I am so proud of her.
And here it is the official count down:
2.30Weeks
16.08Days
385.81Hours
23,148.41Minutes
1,388,904.34Seconds

A little bit of Chicken Fried...

Ya odd title for this blog but its been in my head all day and the girls love belting out the words when I play the song on my computer so I went with it! Nothing like having your kids sing about having a cold beer on a Friday night! Apparently the teachers think its a hit too ha ha! Most everyone has seen the count down calendar the kids made and per the removal of 2 squares now we are at 22 days! The days are just flying by. This time last year I was preparing myself for his leaving now I am preparing myself for his arrival. In honor of that I have got the kids getting their stuff organized and prepared for the big move and I have started sleeping back on my side of the bed again. Both of things require a decent amount of work I must say. I have, in my mind, started making plans of how I want the kids room to look now. Ella has picked where she wants her bed to go and we have decided where the bulk toys will go ect. Making plans like this helps me really start to get on the ball and get things going. I love that feeling makes me motivated now I just need to stay motivated.
Speaking of motivated I think the people who manage the property I work for are finally getting the hint that the place I reside is well falling apart! I was told on Sunday afternoon that my entire front porch, beams, boards, railings and all will be replaced. The catch to that is I have to be out of my house for 2 days. So I tossed around a few ideas and finally asked the guys if I could do the following wait till Chris gets home that Friday and since we will be gone that weekend they could have the whole weekend to work on it. They sounded ok with that but the downside is I have to take all my crap to work with me that day and pray I have it all its either that or stay at Jason's house for 2 days and well I am not up for that its just to tense and uncomfortable for me and I am sure he would find a way to hold it over me or use it against me. So this is hopefully the option that will work for us. The roofer was suppose to come by this week but haven't heard from him since Saturday. I can't locate his number and I am a hoping that maybe this man will surface this weekend and this too shall be fixed as promised!
I will know more as of Monday if Jason has decided to contest the divorce or not. If he has not it will go to court Monday and stand as it is. I am hoping for the sake of well just making life easy and knowing I am not out to get the kids from him or take his money that he will just go with it and know that this is just in the best interest for all of us. Yes I know I do not have a car but we are hoping that will change really soon. Trust me I do not like this arrangement more than the next person so I am desperate on fixing the situation. I am ready to spread my wings and have the freedom to go places and commit to things that I have been unable to such as babysitting, visiting friends and family, outings for the heck of it and of course the outing to get the essentials. How funny 15 years ago I dreamed of having my own vehicle and now here I am 15 years later in the same damn boat! I know that it will all be over soon. This new life is sounding more and more exciting every day. I am ready to give it a shot and see how well this goes. Like everyone says its my turn I deserve to be happy. So I am going to do it!
Well that's about it. I am sure I will start writing more here soon since its getting closer and so much will be running through my mind. Chris has a week left of work and on the 26th will be moving from his dorm and will not have a phone or Internet. That will really suck. So that will leave me to go mad until he gets home. He also has a follow up doctors appointment about his kidneys too the week before he leaves. I hope that things are all back to normal for him. That was quiet the ordeal we went through and I hope its all behind us now. And with that I will post the official count down because I am a dork like that and as excited as a kid waiting for Christmas!!

3.00
Weeks
21.03
Days
504.60
Hours
30,276.08
Minutes
1,816,564.89
Seconds

Counting down.......

So tonight we made a count down calendar for Chris. The kids had so much fun and I love how it turned out. They worked very hard and can now easily see how little time is left before he comes home. Every day we will remove one square from the wall and save it for him when he comes home. It's really nice to see this end in sight!

Squares 13-24 all bright and colorful!

The next two rows got the girls all excited seeing that they where almost finished and there wasn't that many squares to make.

Hannah and Ella are proud to show off their hard work. Yes it might have been slightly past their bed time but it was well worth it!

Ella is ready to pick some great colors and has some wonderful ideas on what to put on the cards I gave her. She love to do art work!!

Here is the final product! The 24 day count down is on. This is starting from tomorrow and goes till the day he lands here in DFW! I am so excited I can hardly stand it!!

Ignorance?

As most of you know I am a teacher. A teacher's job is to love each child for who they are no matter what. It is our job to shape them and mold them into the bring young adults they will become one day. Even those children who are different. Those we embrace the most and love the most. Even if those child who are different are so behaviorally challenged you want to yank your hair out, banish them from the school or even quit your job. Those are the kids though that in the end will make you really realize so much and make you become a better person.
Ok so this is a strange topic I know to be bringing up but after what we encountered tonight I felt compelled to get this out there and maybe make others aware that these things happen even at a young age. What I am talking about is IGNORANCE! Tonight in our house we had our first dealing with people who are ignorant and the effects it has on everyone. I guess in my own way I was slightly guilty of making a ignorant comment to Hannah while doing homework. I made a comment that something in her reading assignment was easy. A horrible choice of words to a child who struggles to read. She let into me and I let her I totally deserved it. And I told her and I admitted that I didn't learn to read till 3rd grade. So I know where she is coming from and I feel her pain and she is right its not easy. Its work and she works hard. I won't make that mistake again that's for sure!
Really though the main reason for this tonight was something that broke my heart in ways I never realize was possible. Ella had this emotional outburst that made me feel so horrible and so sad for her sweet little innocent self. we have a girl who has psychotic tendencies and this is Ella's best friend for over 2 years. Ella has totally seen past her problem and just wants to be her friend and love her. Well her outbursts have gotten much worse and the kids in class laugh at this kid. my daughter my 4 yr old daughter has sat there and told them not to laugh and stuck up for her best friend. Then the kids laugh at Ella and say how bad Ella is and wants to be like this child ect. I have had teachers tell me to keep my child away from this child because Ella would become like her and think that behavior is ok. but Ella knows its not ok and knows that this child cant help it. What triggered this all was I said to her, I said to Ella you aren't making good choices i need you to make good choices and she just blurted out mommy my friend didn't make me bad mommy i am a bad girl please don't be mad at my friend. she is my best friend even when the kids laugh at her and i tell them not to mommy she is my best friend and they laugh at me and call me bad and call me a baby. She was crying she was hysterical an i was crying. I never realized a 4 year old could hold emotional baggage like that. I am proud to see her seeing past peoples differences and loving them for who they are. I am proud that my child did not succumb to peer pressure and stood up for her beliefs and defended a child that is labeled an outcast and trouble!
To know that adults, teachers, are wanting me to prevent their friendship from continuing is a bit disturbing and sad for me. As teachers we need to teach these children that everyone is different but that we love and respect them no matter what! Jason wants to pull Ella out of the school if this continues he is afraid all of our teachings of right and wrong and the golden rule will but shattered. At the same time though I can't bare to separate these girls its bad enough they won't be at the same kindergarten so I want them to have each other for a little while longer. I really feel that they need one another. They are always together no matter what and that is something so special to see. I just hope teachers can take a lesson from those two girls and realize that it is ok to be friends with someone who is different. Variety is the spice of life friendships would be boring if we where all the same and hung out with all the same people. Those two girls balance each other out. They are good for one another. I figure these teacher just maybe worry that my daughter will pick up these habits and try them but she has and she knows they don't work for her. She knows right from wrong in that sense and knows to make good choices. I just think their way of trying to protect Ella is not ok. My children embrace everyone and want to be friends with all the meet no matter what they look like or who they are. That is something I am so proud of. If I have done nothing else right in parenting them at least I know two things: 1) my children can make friends with anyone and do not focus on the differences ect. they take the friendship at its real worth. 2) they have self confidence and self respect that is such an amazing thing to really grasp at a young age and 3) they will not fall to peer pressure they are leaders they take their ground and hold it tight, the will fight for what they want!
I am feeling better now about this. Tomorrow I will have a talk with the appropriate people express my concerns maybe even let Ella speak her voice on this and share how its effected her and how upset its made her. I think if they hear it first hand from her they will really realize that this is a legitimate issue and I am not just being dramatic ect. I want them to see the real effects its taking. I also want them to see that maybe they need to realize their ignorance and see that no one is perfect we are all different and should be treated with love and respect. Children can sense when they are treated differently how they handle it though is a whole different thing.
Sorry to go off on a tangent and rant but I felt this was blog worthy. I am going to finish this off, tuck the girls back into bed, close up the computer and call it a night.

Yikes!

Wow are these weeks flying by or what?! I look up and realize that Tuesday has come to a close and tomorrow is the middle of the week! Wow I can't believe it. This time last year I was really trying to wrap my head around Chris leaving and wondering how or if this was even would work. He was just now telling me where he would be going and I kept telling myself " A year really wow seems so long and far away!" And now here we are 3 weeks away and all I can say was eh ya that was a cake walk! HA HA that is a joke by the way! But looking at it all in perspective I think that yes it was really hard but we kept great communication and openness despite the distance, the job and of course the time zones! So basically if we can prove to last this long apart being together should be a breeze! But we have both discussed our fears, concerns and our ideals on what we would like and should happen. We both agree while our thoughts of this perfect set up ect are great we both know there will be snags and let downs but we both agree not to let this effect us because honestly after what we have been through there is no excuse. Distance now is just an excuse to not try hard ect. So we have set some realistic expectations and goals and now its just time to follow through with it all.
The girls are completely better by the way and have been since about Friday! I needed the weekend to recuperate from this whole deal! Apparently Tamiful is the end all be all flu cures because let me tell you after a few doses of that stuff they where raring ready to go! Sean's bacterial infection is better and by Sunday was doing so well we went ice skating with his half sister and his step mom. That was a terrific outing! I do have to say getting back into the swing of things for the work/ school week was a bit tough but the girls have been doing great and I am happy. Hannah is working hard to get all caught up and Ella jumped right back into her routine and that is really outstanding. I have (knock on wood) managed to escape the flu! Zinc my friends is a wonderful thing!
Tonight was a fantastic night! The girls helped me prepare dinner and we had a blast in the kitchen. Watching those two try and squeeze limes and lemons was hysterical! I only wish I had taken pictures. It took two of them to squeeze them and they had it going everywhere! They helped put the onions, jalapenos, and tomatoes on the chicken and helped cut up fresh strawberries that they devoured in like 2 minutes! We went and did laundry together and finished up some tough homework. Of course whats an evening of fun without showers correct? I told the girls to get ready for showers that I would finish cleaning up. My phone rang and in the midst of this conversation I hear a crash and a bang followed by a "uh oh mommy is going to be really mad!" I go running to the bathroom thinking they broke the toilet or the cabinet detached from the wall, but no it was the shower curtain! Hannah says " I don't know mom it just kinda fell." Ella cuts her off saying " Hannah don't lie its not ok you where hanging on it and it fell." Hannah knew she was busted but tried to deny it and I said the truth or you lose skating. Of course she confessed and felt bad. I now need a whole new rod since the metal broke off in odd pieces. Lesson she learned for the night was............ shower curtains are not good to swing on, shower rods can not hold your weight and that the shower rod does not make a good dance partner!
I think that's about it. I feel all caught up now. Oh ya the roof....... They called Monday mumbled something about being at my place, I laughed and said good luck getting in I am not home. they mumbled something about being on my roof. I said fix it I don't care just no more water in the living room its not cool! Anyways I will post the count down for the arrival of Chris. I am just giddy with excitement and nervous as hell to.
With 7% left of this deployment left here is the official break down:

3.86
Weeks
27.04
Days
648.86
Hours
38,931.35
Minutes
2,335,880.72
Seconds
See every reason to be super excited!!

Peace,Love and INSANITY!

Evening all! I have made to the end of a crazy week! I bet you are wondering what inspired this weird title tonight. I have dealt with all of it this week and it just sounded fitting. So here I am on another kid less Friday night since Sean is sick this time so I have the time to blog. This has been helping me a lot lately. I just have a short while of these quiet weekends. Not that having Sean is at all quiet! But pretty soon weekends will be a bit different we will become a trio instead of a duo! But I think from talking to Sean he won't mind the 3rd wheel joining us!
So the Peace in my title.. There has been a lot of conflict and emotion. I was overly stressed, had many obstacles come up, curve balls thrown my way, and unexpected illness. We thought Hannah didn't have the flu we took her and Ella back to the doctor because they had a fever and low and behold they both had the flu. That same day Jason got served papers about the divorce and that was a fiasco because he assumed I was suing for other things and we had it out a huge fight mean things ect. I was scared and worried of what was going to happen and everyone was right. Jason just needed time to think, breath, absorb and now he has calmed down and things are fine. My kids are doing better. I am ok with having a bad week at work. Its the weekend now and I am at peace with it all.
Then there is Love........... I am so ready for the love of my life to come home. We are so close now. A month from today we will be in a hotel relaxing and just being able to be alone with one another. We just need to pick up where we left off and just I guess really get reacquainted with each other. We have 4.44 weeks and 31.11 days and he will be done, finished, HOME!! The emotions have been high and overwhelming. I am mentally preparing for what life will be with another person back in the house. Doing things as a team as a couple will also be so different. I have been so used to doing all this alone and now having someone here with me will be so different. I am not saying its a bad thing at all just something I will have to get adjusted to.
My INSANITY..... This week has been insane! All from one extreme to the other. The last night with the storms my roof decided to let water pour in! I have a giant crack in my ceiling and a nice gap that will of course allow more water in until it gets fixed. I called the property manager and they will have a roofer call me. So basically that means I will have 3 more phone calls, the landlord calling them and maybe my cousin Tim in on this. This management company sucks. I hear we have more rain coming to. I have all my containers lined up and ready for it! All I need is this front porch to rot off in the next rain and I officially live in a dump! I swear I smell my downstairs neighbor smoking a joint! Its so nice here!
I want to remind everyone that we want to have a big outing after Chris gets home to Dick's and House of Blues. I am also working on a family deal too so that everyone can come and welcome Chris home. Just need to set up a place and date. I am thinking maybe a near by park and having a huge picnic. I want to get every ones input so please let me know. Also a early reminder that the girls are both skating in the annual tree lighting show at the Galleria. It will start right after Thanksgiving and runs every Saturday till the weekend before Christmas. If you are instead let me know and I will be sure to help get you a spot so you can see the show. It starts at 5pm and lasts about 3o minutes. Its great we even have the back flipping Santa! If you want more info on it let me know!
Well that's it for now. We have fall pictures Sunday I am sure I will be blogging more than also! Toddles!