Tuesday, September 29, 2009


I guess just when you think maybe the worst is over or that it wasn't that bad you decided to let your guard down and WHAM!!! Ya WHAM!!!!! That's about what happened today. In my last post I wrote Hannah was fine that it was a fever virus well there is WHAM number 1!! Well her fever came back and Ella decided humm I like this I want a fever too and WHAM now I have 2 sick kids and I already caught a lot of grief about how much I have missed. Yep you know I enjoy missing work and taking care of kids. I don't need the money folks because I am made of it! **please not my sarcastic tone!** So now with two sick kids Jason and I agree that a doctors visit is in order and that's the plan. Today they went I thought humm its nothing but guess who gets the prize for being WRONG?! Yep I was wrong they had the flu. Now I will say judging by their behavior last night anyone would have agreed that they where fine and nothing to worry about. Tonight its all I can do to get them to sit up and take their meds. I am serious when I say this really this stuff hits quick! Beware please please if you child is coughing or has a fever take precautions because you could be dealing with this nasty bug that will knock your little one right out! Oh and the kicker is most places are out of Tamaflu but Jason did find Doughtery's at Preston Royal shopping center and they are making up two prescriptions so if you get sick forget Walgreens or CVS go there first they might have to prepare the stuff but you won't have to drive around looking for it!
The bigger WHAM of the day really caught me by surprise. Some of my family received, as well my sister put it, an evasive email tonight. Things have started to get nasty in the divorce that is not yet final yet. I sent this email because I feel alone, I am worried and scared. I need my family to count on and lean on. I need to know that when this really hits the fan I can look at them call them my support team and know they have my back. What this WHAM was for me today was Jason got served the papers for the divorce. Yea this whole thing is still going on. He was suppose to sign them back in April this would have been finished by May and now its October and here I am looking at a giant mess. Jason got served today and all it was for was to get his signature and be done with it. Now he thinks I am suing him and want stuff and I am being vindictive and deceitful. That's not it not even close. I don't want to take my kids from him, I don't want his possessions and I don't want his money I just want this over I want my life back and I want to marry Chris! Now he has yelled and screamed at me sent rude text messages and has told me he is getting a lawyer and it will go to court and it will get ugly. My stomach has sunk. I feel sick I am scared and I need some reassurance right now that my life is going to be ok that he is just mad and that this will pass. I can't put my kids through a nasty divorce I will not do that to them. I wish Jason would see that but he just thinks I am always out to get him. I did speak to him about an hour ago and he seemed civil and stuff but who knows. I am being polite and nice trying to make sure that he can see I am not out to get him I just want to get his signature that is all.
Life threw this curve ball I was really not expecting it. I know I am strong and I can get through this I just really need my family and friends right now to lean on. I am depressed about this and having to miss work. I feel like I am on the verge of losing this job and I can't have that I need this job. I love my job and I love my kids. I also need my paycheck. I feel like I am put in such a rock and hard place about this subject. I always feel like my job is in jeopardy when I have to call in. I even try to be flexible and I feel like I am such an inconvenience with sick kids. Life happens kids get sick I do what I do the best that I can. I can't call my mom and say please help with the kids I have to work. I don't have people I can have fill in around my house so I can go do my job. I really have no back up plan for this situation except for Jason but he is in the same boat is me. I just need to be able to step back and really just let it all sink in what is going on. I just need lots of good thoughts and prayers this way so that I can make it through this nightmare.
Well my eye lids are getting heavy I should try and rest I have meds to give and temps to be taking tonight. I know tomorrow will be a quiet day of just laying around. I will start cleaning what I can and taking strict measures to make sure I don't get it or spread it. I hope Chris calls soon. He is a voice I really need to hear right now. I need to just hear it and know things are going to be ok. A month from Friday he will be home. That just puts a huge smile on my face.