Tuesday, September 15, 2009

In over my head?

I was looking back at my blog archives and the last time I blogged this much in one month was March and if you look at the timing that was around the 6 week mark or so of Chris coming on his mid tour. And if you look now its about the same time frame for his homecoming. Tonight was one of those nights where I just had to ask myself.... Have I gotten in over my head?!

Most of you know that the returning of the school year has been a bit different for us than last year. School is a bit harder for us and taking up so much time in our already shortened evening. Tonight was no different. We had open house at my school so that lasted until 7pm and on a normal night that's usually when our homework is starting, then you had to factor in the kids needed to be fed and I am pretty much out of food till this bank fiasco is settled so McDonald's it is! I told the kids against my better judgment to just eat in the car that it was a special treat. Now 30 min behind schedule, and a cranky unfocused 7 yr old later we started homework. Reading tonight was a mess it just wasn't clicking with her, Ella was over tired and filthy from school and whining about her chicken didn't look right. I saw the pile of laundry stacking up to about the top of the dresser and the unvacuumed floor. I got super overwhelmed and thought how did I let things get so out of hand. I told Ella to get out her markers and make me some pictures and do her letters. This tends to make her happy and keep her calm. I diverted my attention back to a frustrated Hannah and encouraged her to read. I read some and she did to make it go a little faster. We discussed her answers to the question moved to her math and work sheet and I threw Ella in the bath and sorted laundry. I think I was trying to multitask a bit to much because from one room I heard " I hate this I can't do this I don't know what this means!" and from the bathroom I heard "Mommy I have soap on my face and I can't see looking up to the sky!!" I told Hannah stop deep breath take a break let me get Ella. I went into Ella finished washing her off quickly washed her hair, dried her off, brushed her hair and as a special treat said here is the lotion you get to put it on! Ran to the living room and finished up Hannah's work while now sorting laundry. Told her to get in the shower while I go run 3 loads and I will be back.

While I was walking I got upset. How did things get so complicated?! Why is this so hard? I thought of my list of things to get accomplished and that made me even more upset. How do you fix a vacuum cleaner that has a metal chain wrapped around the brush? How do you completely get rid of the roach/water bug problem? When will I see my coffee table and dining room table again? WHEN WILL CHRIS GET HOME?! When I got back in Hannah was out of the tub and Chris had called while I was putting laundry in. I told him he would be disappointed and upset when he saw the condition of the house when he got home. He kept saying its fine I do so much as it is and that its probably not as bad as I make it out to be. I told him thanks for being understanding but that this has to get better. I guess now its 3 steps forward 2 steps back. Last week was great this one well so far not so much. I did manage to get 3 loads washed, dried and put away by 10:30pm, the kids to bed by 9:05pm (ok well Ella was like 9:45pm) and a blog in before midnight. I am not complaining about my situation by any means I just get frustrated because I know there has to be an easier way I just can't figure it out. I know that working till 6pm really limits what I can do and I feel guilty that I only get a few hours with my children. But I truly love my job and it of course pays my bills. I think my weekend get away with Chris when he gets home is the cure to my overwhelming feelings. I am trying not to think of Christmas show practice that starts next week because that right there might put me over the edge!!! It will be exciting to see both the girls participating this year though so I know the outcome of it all will be so well worth it. I just keep telling myself this is a total learning experience and if things go our way this will be the last time we have to go at this for that long ever again!