Friday, June 28, 2013

Counting my blessings and being thankful for life.

10 days ago I wrote a post about failing. Several told me I didn't fail that we just hit tough times and that it would all get better. I still feel like I failed but it did start to get better. Why do I feel like I failed? I feel like I failed because honestly I shouldn't have to count on others to help my family when we reach a point that there could be no return. However I am so thankful for these people. Some were great friends and others complete strangers that came to our aide in our biggest time of need.
How did the help you might ask? A complete and total angel went to take care of the remainder of our rent that was past due. Anther angel gave us money to help us get ahead on the next months rent. A great friend helped us cover the cost of the girls to go to the youth center so that they could come spend the summer out here with us and let us be a family. Three amazing friends filled our house with essentials and groceries and with the excess I have I am paying it forward to help a very special family who is also in need right now. And last but not least those who made donations of money, diapers and wipes. We are so excited about how many diapers we have at this point because we all know H is not going to be wearing underwear anytime soon.
For those things I am counting my blessings. I know that there are still wonderful people in this world who really know how to step it up in time of need. To those who are wondering how we are able to get things like Tennis and a birthday party and a few other extras right now, no we are not squandering away the money we are using what the money was given to us for and making things happen for our family. The tennis is for H and its for kids on the spectrum. This will help with turn taking, hand eye coordination, following directions and peer/social interactions. Its a small group setting but still its a starting place. We can't leave H out in the cold with no way to celebrate his birthday so we have been given help to make sure he has a party. Thank goodness for cheap venues and great people. He will be doing gymnastics for this years party so we are super excited about that.
Last week was and even part of this week has been very trying for not only just myself but for the family. We got devastating news Wednesday afternoon about a coworker/friend. While we all hoped and prayed for the best it just sadly wasn't meant to be. She left this earth early Saturday morning after they established there was no brain activity and nothing more they could do for her. She left behind three beautiful children and several children she has fostered over the years. It was truly hear breaking to hear and still hard to comprehend.
Michelle was a huge advocate and supporter for our family since last year. She gave me many avenues and resources to help myself and my son while we endured this crazy adventure we embarked on. I usually would spend time in her office twice a week if not more discussing progress, antics, frustrations and accomplishments. I would listen to hers. She was a single mom dealing with two children under the age of 5 with their own set of special needs plus a teenage son. She was a saint! We often joked our kids were two peas in a pod. H would learn from her youngest daughter. I would always ask for the answers before H even attempted the things her daughter would do. I cherish that bond we had as not only her being my supervisor and coworker but my mentor and friend. She was suppose to join us at our ARD meeting the 17th of July. I know she will be there in spirit guiding these fine folks who will evaluate H in making the right choice for him and our family.
The other huge loss we suffered this week was the horse H has been riding since November. There have been countless pictures and posts about H and his horse Slurpee. The big, giant, 21 yr old 16 hand tall horse that H loved more than anything. Last week Slurpee fell ill with what we thought was colic. We spent a few hours by his side at the stables all the meanwhile H was laying right there over him rubbing his belly kissing him and telling him he would make him all better. It broke our hearts to hear it but made my heart swell with pride to see him show such compassion when he has really never done that before.  The following morning he was taken to the vet. Saturday evening we thought he was taking a turn for the better. Sunday the vet said if he saw no progress by morning he would have no choice but to put him down. We all prayed, we prayed and begged for a miracle. How could we suffer another blow this week?! Sadly around 10am Monday Slurpee crossed the rainbow bridge. I felt so angry and let down. We still hadn't told him about Michelle and now we have to explain to him Slurpee.
Monday after tennis we took a trip over to TLC and started the process of explaining how Slurpee would not be here anymore and he would have to ride another horse. At first he insisted upon his horse we left with him agreeing to ride Tiny. I was good with that since it was the only horse that had the complete opposite features and coloring of Slurpee. However that plan backfired when I realized he was used by another child. We rode Sheeza the horse that could have passed for Slurpee's twin. While at first we thought this was great it ended up confusing him and now he things Slurpee is back and that death is not actually final because well in his mind Sheeza is Slurpee. Sigh.
They say bad things happen in three and I am sure hoping those are our three. I know we are never given more than we can handle but I feel in this case it was way more than we could handle, however we overcame it all. We are picking up the pieces moving on, making new paths, taking on new challenges. It is time to put our focus on the things we have coming up. Our biggest is the meeting on the 17th. Our other big focus is the girls and enjoying and making the most of the time I have with them here.
We are so blessed right now we are so grateful for the life we have. It could be worse and we could have ended up in a much more different situation but we didn't. We were given the chance to take this as a learning experience and make sure we make the most of what we are given. We might not ever get that second chance again.