Sunday, June 2, 2013

Army Wives

My gal pals know how addicted I am to this show. I have followed this since day one! The show has been great to watch and there are somethings that I can completely relate to and then others that just are so far fetched you just have to shake your head and wonder what they were thinking when writing the script. Tonight however hit home on MANY levels. 

I am married to a man who was military for 14 years. He did various jobs while he was in and most of those required frequent deployments, dangerous assignments and lots of dedication.  Most of this was done prior to our meeting up but even though he was no longer with doing things like EOD (Explosives) things from that still carried with him. 

It took me some time to realize exactly what was going on. I just figured the transition of being around my family and that coming back from Korea the whole readjustment. I let it go for a while but then finally it hit me after asking around they told me about PTSD. I had heard of it but not really known much about it. I started reading up on it and understood that this is what Chris was dealing with. 

Watching Army Wives tonight and seeing one of the characters come home from his first deployment, watching friends be killed, killing a man with his bare hands I suddenly found myself able to relate. Here sits his loving devoted wife trying to make his return home and transition back trying to help him adjust and feeling like she is failing. 

So many times I wondered what it was I did to upset him. I couldn't understand why he would get so angry and upset. It seem irrational and over the top. How does someone actually act like this? I started to ask him questions  about what was going on. When he told me he had no clue he wasn't even sure what was setting him off that is when I become more concerned and started trying to find someone we could trust to confide in that had been through this to help him. 

I am watching this episode unfold and watching him become so upset over completely irrational things and thinking "my goodness! This is something I can totally relate to!" My husband doesn't enjoy being this person. He has been trying to get help. As easy as those would like to believe it should not be hard to come be it actually is. The VA is bogged down and so far behind. Many seem to fall through the cracks, my husband included. It doesn't seem fair or right but sadly this is how it goes for them. 

I have many military friends and some have not had the opportunity to deal with deployments and all that come with it and others have. Some have seen these exact things I am speaking of and others might be fortunate and never have to deal with these things. All I can say is to encourage help, find him/her that person they can trust to open up to that can get them that help the need. They don't enjoy living like this anymore than we enjoy having to often take the brunt of their episodes. 

Even at his worse he has never hurt anyone around him. He might be angry, loud and even irrational but as quickly as it happens it goes. More often than not he seldom realizes that most of it occurred, which of course worries me.  I  encourage any of my friends who have dealt with this and been physically hurt to seek help ASAP. No one should ever have to suffer like that. 

The other side of this that hit me was watching the Montclair family who had a child with CF. Watching the mother balance the checkbook, make sure that her child who is frequently ill and needing extra help hit me just how much again I could relate. Many think military families have it made. Granted we are military anymore but when we were we still had our struggles despite having insurance and money for housing. 

There have been times we have gone around this house looking for things to sell just so we can make sure that H has his meds, our electricity stays on, there is gas in the car and of course food on our table. I hate being in this place and no one wants to have to turn to a friend or family to get through till that next pay day. We want those around us to believe we have our lives under control and that this is a minor setback. Sometimes however it isn't but who wants their family and friends to know that they are constantly broke and unable to make ends meet? 

Nothing upsets me more than having to choose and rob Peter to pay Paul. I have to say that our family has not ever gone without. We have somehow managed to finagled our way through these tough times lately. That has often meant put off rent to make sure the other things stay on, beg to extend due dates, and stretch every dollar to its fullest. 

Yes, yes I know one day we will look back on this and maybe not laugh but chuckle. I know that soon this too shall pass and it will all be a distant memory.