Sunday, June 17, 2012

Confliction

Another week another update. The last few days I have debated if I should continue with this writing. I don't write for sympathy or pity. I don't write for people to feel sorry for me or get attention. I write from my heart, the words and emotions I put into this is that of how I actually portray the things in my life and as a way to open up and express my deepest thoughts and emotions. I force no one to read this I post it for those who are interested in sharing in our lives and knowing what all is going on.

This week has been full of emotions all good and bad. Not just relating to H but as a family. I never write these to complain about my family or my children. These last few days have probably been just a little to much togetherness and so therefore there has been more fighting and irritability. I do expect this because it is summer and they are spending a lot more time together than they do on a regular basis. But it is all part of having kids so I just roll with it. H has still had a rough time adjusting to all the changes and has gone back to biting. He bit the snot out of Hannah's face this morning and out of Ella's hand. Sean might be sporting a bald spot from H also! They are troopers. They have taken it and just understood that this is how he is. Love those babies. I got some great news however, news I have been sitting on for a few days but now that it is all official and so I can now proclaim that my sister is going to be a MOMMY!!! Jordan and Ronnie are expecting their first daughter on or around Thanksgiving. This news has made me so happy. Nothing could make me happier than to see my sisters start their own families. So even though I have sworn off hosting baby showers and such after such bad experiences this time I am making the exception. I can not wait to celebrate!

With the last few days being so busy I had not been on to check my email. Normally I get it sent to my phone but using a back up phone I didn't get the notifications like I normally do. Yesterday I finally had the chance to see all my emails I have missed. I have not had the best relationship with my aunt Karen since moving out here. She gave me an absurd amount of grief for leaving the girls behind and that I was not a good mom for doing such. She will at the most random of time send me hurtful emails, facebook comments and posts on my blog about what a horrible mom I am, what a complainer I am and that I am so selfish. Well she decided to strike again the other day after my last blog. I have gone out of my way to be so polite and friendly and she decides in the middle of the night to write such trash to me. I asked her about giving the crib we used to Jordan and the email she sent was so opposite of the one I read the other day. In the email I got last night she went on and on about how exciting it was to take a crib that has been around for a few generations to use for Jordan's baby. Just a few days prior she went on and on about how much I complain about my children and need to figure out how to fix each of my kids and that I should be thankful for what I have and how her husband, my uncle, endured all this chemo at the age of 60 and never complained and his parents never complained about anything he ever put them through. I felt such rage building up in my body, such anger and dare I say hate.

I decided that I have had enough of her hatefulness and that enough is finally enough. I clicked on her FB page and deleted her. I have debated on responding to her hate mail but have not figured out the right words to say. I don't want to be hateful in return for two reasons, one, I am not that kind of person and two, I don't want her to take it out on Jordan and revoke the crib. I still feel the need to say something but still just not sure what. A grown woman, my aunt, so full of jealousy and anger towards me someone who does their best and works their hardest. My children are not nor have they ever been a burden to me. As parents we all have days or weeks where our children test our limits, tick us off and make us want to sell them. We know however if it came down to it we would lay down our lives for them and that we would never get rid of them or harm them. I am sick of being compared to my cousin her daughter. I am not nor do I ever want to be her. I am who I am and that is who I want to be.

Today is Father's Day. We don't have anything big and special planned. I made breakfast and lunch and  will be making dinner. The two younger ones are napping and Chris and the older two are playing a board game. They really need this bonding time. I love it when they can all play together, get along, laugh and just be happy. This house has been tense for days so this was the break we all needed. I wanted to make a trip to the pool but another random storm is looming over our home at the moment. So I am sitting here listen and enjoying while they play and do their thing. I am hoping this happiness lasts the rest of the day. They are really into this game of Monopoly and are getting pretty hard core!  I hear H playing in his room and Ella is still down for the count. Maybe he will stay content until this game ends but I hear him knocking on his door.

No major apts this week or therapy. The 25th we have our first West Texas Rehab apt. I got the paper work to fill out yesterday. I swear I fill out more and more paper work. We are also doing paper work through the state for assistance. This has been recommended to us buy several people as we have so many expenses we are incurring and we completely qualify. So cross your fingers and pray that we can get some extra help.

Time to get the rug rat from his room. I hear him calling for dada. Happy Father's Day to all the men out there. I hope each of you are having a wonderful special day.