Wednesday, December 2, 2009

12 hours and counting....

Its 9:15pm and by this time tomorrow morning my life is going to take a big change. A change that I have been waiting on for almost 3 years. Tomorrow morning at 9am I will be divorced. Everything will be final and official. I will be Jamie Lauren Goldstrich. Dimmitt will be a part of my past. I have very mixed emotions and feelings about all of this. Yes unfortunate things happened in my marriage and some of which we got through others I just couldn't look past. Three years ago at this time my life was about to come to a screeching halt. Three years ago Sean was admitted to Children's Hospital for 10 days and it was right after Thanksgiving. Jason and I where working for the same company and things had been pretty tense and out of sorts there.
Exactly 3 years go on Dec 2nd Hannah skated in a Ice Show with Sasha Cohen and that was also the start of the day that would soon change the rest of my life/marriage. Hind sight I guess I should have done a few things different but I can't and that's ok. I learned when my gut is nagging and telling me something and things don't add up then listen to the gut its right. The weeks following are almost a blur to me now. I think the days I won't ever forget though are those that are forever burned into my memory. The day I was told that a man from the secret service was coming to talk to me for one is a day that I just can't put out of my mind. Try having a damn near 7ft tall man come in and interview/question you on your husbands whereabouts and his past. Then try convincing that same big guy you only know what you know and are clueless about this whole questioning. I think the highlight is facing two grown men who you have known for years, considered friends, played hockey with, and who gave you job and tell them how sorry you are for your husbands actions and that you swear on your life your fathers grave you knew nothing and had nothing to do with it. These where things I faced 3 years ago. I had to call my mother and tell her to take the kids out of the house so that police and secret service could come search the house and question Jason. It was a sick feeling a numbing feeling. How about facing your husband of 5years and telling him you know the truth and how horribly upset and disgusted you are with him.
To fill in the gaps here 3 years ago Jason and I worked for two brothers one who worked for a video production company and the other ran a janitorial service. I worked for both Jason worked for the janitorial company. Checks and money started coming up missing and it was about this time that it had been very noticeable. I made the deposits so I was the first to be questioned. The bank and statements matched my stories so of course I was no longer involved. The days went on and we figured now we had the guy how did it. The back of my mind nagged that Jason was a part of it but I couldn't bring myself to rat him out. Besides what happened if I was wrong?! Finally Sean was released from the hospital and I was working a somewhat normal schedule again. But when that damn near 7ft tall guy came to talk to me it was all over. I knew at that point and time my gut was right and I was a fool for not saying something. That and the fact the guy at the check cashing place said he had to keep my check because we where writing bad checks. I knew then that something was wrong. I called Joe and told him. He was as shocked as I was but we kept quiet till we knew more. More was just days away.
I had police search my place and confiscate things for evidence and for legal use. I was told they had to do a warrant and that they would notify me so that I could have Jason turn himself in. Oh did I mention because of this I was now unemployed? Yes his actions and my nieveness lead me to lose my job. He still had his rink job and I was so mad but looking back now I am glad he had it. I spent a lot of time those next few days soul searching, thinking, contemplating. December 14th I was with the kids at the mall. I got the call that it was time to bring Jason back to the place where it all took place to turn him in. I went to the house with the kids. He got in the car it was a quiet tear filled ride. The secret service was there to take him into custody. I made sure the back windows where covered so that the kids didn't know what was going on. They just knew daddy was going away for a while. In all it was I think 14 counts 7 for check theft 7 for forgery. 3 checks never materialized I guess. Or where printed but never used. That's felonies for those where unsure. Not his first go round with this either.
The kids and I where in a fog for a while. Thankfully my mom and brother and sister where living with us at the time. This is back when I think my mom was almost in a better spot. She helped me keep a routine going, get help from the state, keep me positive and make sure Christmas still happened. I had a friend who was a big help that year. Christmas came and went and the kids where troopers. Hannah skated her ice shows and did amazing. They truly are resilient creatures.
The days following this where hard I was filled with anger and resentment. Though it seemed horrible changes came that have now put me where I am now. The kids started at the Community School and a few months later I got a wonderful job teaching there. Jason was out of jail by the first of the year and, by the grace of god, able to keep his job. The girls where still able to skate. We count our blessings. I got my first place on my own. It was a joke but still a first for me. I learned a lot about myself and it makes me proud now to know who I really am.
Three years later here I am. 12 hours from divorce, still teaching where I love, engaged to a wonderful loving supportive man, and the girls are still skating.
Walking into that courtroom will be hard tomorrow. I will be saying good bye to a person I was. I will be a different person. A man I fell in love with 9 years ago will now be the ex. I will have a new life now with a old familiar name I haven't used in years and thought was long gone. Jason was not a horrible thing that happened to me. He was a part of a life experience that I had. He gave me 2 wonderful daughters, he was a good man who tried to hard, he wanted to be what he couldn't and thought that's what I wanted. But life is a lesson and we live and learn. He is forever a part of my life. A part of me will always care about him. I have no ill will, no hate for him. He is a well liked man through his co workers and friends. He is a caring man who would help anyone. He still helps me and doesn't have to. Yes we fight, argue, make each other crazy. We are ex's its our job. But in some of my toughest times this year he has been there. For that I am thankful.
In 12 hours I am a Goldstrich again. Dimmitt is no longer a part of me. The girls are all I have to tie me to that. They will keep those memories alive for me. I can't believe its all coming to an end. How weird it will be to have my future husband be there for me when I am there to no longer be with my present husband. It's almost like a changing of the guards. One will take over while the other is released of his duties.
Good night all. Sweet dreams