Sunday, March 9, 2014

Through his eyes

I am sitting on the couch of my livingroom with the front door opened. I am doing something I normally don't do but today I let go and let someone else take charge. H is in the front yard with his three older siblings and his dog. I would never do this not with his inability to understand danger and his lack of ability to grasp our tone of voice to alert to danger or scary situations. Today though with the pleading of his two older sisters I caved. I let someone else take him outside and be responsible for him while I sat in the house. I am keeping him in a visual at all times but he is entranced at the moment. 

Suddenly he is not compelled to run down the street or bolt from anyone. He is standing there on the porch engaged in a tube of bubbles with his sister. There is something about it, something about the interaction with this siblings that is different than the interactions with me or a teacher, he was engaged truly engaged in what Ella was doing with him. He wasn't looking for a distraction to make his break, he wasn't getting upset because she was distracting him from that break he wanted to make. What I saw at that moment was a boy and his sister sharing a true bond. I saw his hands flapping wildly, wide eyed anticipating the next big blow of bubbles to come. I saw a true calm come about him that I rarely ever see. He was relaxed in a way that he couldn't do when I tried to interact with him on that level. 

I could get upset and offended at this scene unfolding in front of me. I could feel hurt that he can't do that with me like he does with her. I could lose myself in all that negativity or I could embrace a moment that I don't get to see all that often. I sit and stare and feel my smile growing. I see a calm on his face that lets me know he has made a connection and he is embracing this moment just like I am. I wanted to run and snap a photo of this curious, quizzical moment. I always take pictures its my schtick. There is always a photo to remember almost every single moment. However I let him have this moment. I let him have it intruded moment with his sister. I can close my eyes and see that face, those hands reaching out to explore and seek out the bubbles coming at him. The eye contact he engaged in with Ella. Neither one knowing just how important that was. I did though and I smiled from the sidelines and had my own moment without intruding upon theirs. 

Sometimes these children open up when we least expect it. Sometimes they open up when they don't feel they are center stage spotlight and every moment is watched with an eagle eye. Ella was able to reach him on a level I have yet to reach him at. It was a carefree let's just be us and not world about the rest of the world around us. I have lost myself in their moment, basking in their laughter, their conversation, their true connection. The moment has now long passed and they have moved on to other things. I am still sitting here with that image smiling thinking of how all this happens, through his eyes.