Sleepless in Abilene

Lately well since about the time change I have stopped sleeping. I mean I get sleep but not like I used to. I can lay in bed and just not unwind enough to sleep. I have come to the point of only getting 1 to 2 hours and not waking up completely exhausted I wake up able to complete tasks I need to do. I have noticed that my memory has taken a nose dive and I will forget what ever I am talking about and lose track of what is going on.  My personality has even taken a slight change. For now I am letting it go I mean I am sure my body will eventually scream for me to sleep but till then I keep on trucking.

Next week marks the anniversary of the death of Alex. I was on a spouse page tonight for Dyess and a topic struck me that made me feel all that hurt and regret I had from Alex's death. Before Alex died we had a huge fight on Facebook. So big in fact I think most of siblings got involved in it. I had no idea at the time it would be the last time I would speak to my brother. About a month later I got a call that he had died. I went back later on to look at his page and realized our fight was still there. It was like a punch to the gut. Words on the Internet that would be there well until his page no longer existed. The guilt over came me and at that point I made it a point to never leave things on a bad note or ill terms with anyone. Who knows what tomorrow might bring.

To go back to where I as going with this, I had seen so people having a hard time remaining adult like and remain kind to one another. I decided this would be a good time to share my story and make people realize words on forums such as Facebook are there for all to see and can really do more harm than good. I wanted people to know there are things I said that day I can never take back and I said it all heat of the moment and did not honestly mean for it to be there forever. I encouraged my friends to think hard before they hit that send button. Those words said might night ever be able to be taken back and I would never want anyone to feel how I feel about my brother.


Spring break was great. I had 4 days of leave and took total advantage of that time with my kids. We had fun things planned every day and wonderful meals at home together. I have to say despite a few bumps in the road it was a great trip. I hate that the time goes by so fast and that I have to send them back but summer will be here before we know it. I still have Ella's birthday coming up and I am sure I have a few weekend trips planned in April and May also. I am working on putting up some of the pictures of our outings on Facebook. Some of our outings H came to join us but I made sure to just do stuff with Sean, Hannah and Ella since our time is so limited. I honestly think they enjoyed that time.

I guess now with my new found insomnia I can get more school work done. I am doing well but could stand to do better. I have a bunch of stuff for school coming up soon and I have to buckle down. As long as my brain does not completely become mush I should be golden. I guess pray that this sleeplessness works in my favor.  Well back to work I go. Good night?

News and such

Last week our little H had his 18 months check up. I have to really process that because I honestly can not believe it has been 18months. We met with our new pediatrician and I will admit I was nervous because for the last year we had been on base. We loved Capt. Hodge she was great with H but looking back I think H was a bit more for her to take on. I know she did her best but after this apt I really feel confident about the switch we made. H is 31 inches and 22.4 lbs. Still of course on the super small size but he is getting there. As for speech he is actually not as behind as we believed. She told me age adjusted he is 16 months plus boys don't start speaking until 18 months so hopefully by late spring we will see an explosion in his vocabulary and if not at his check up in August we will then start speech. His Escema looked good and his breathing was not to bad. He of course had a cough but nothing either one of us thought much of. He got a few shots and was treated with a Dum Dum sucker.
We put our new doctor to the test and Chris and I both agreed she passed ha ha. The following day H developed a high fever and 2 back to back asthma attacks. They got us in right away and after a few minutes we realized poor guy had RSV! Breathing treatments and steroids for the weekend. By Sunday we where at the ER. Did I mention our new doctor sees children on Saturdays and emergency hours on Sunday! We had just missed the doctor on Sunday so they told us to get to the ER. Got there around 4 and around 6pm the first round of roid rage hit and scared me. I had never seen him like this. Sadly we were out in the waiting room and I had no one to help me figure out what to do. Finally after about 30 minutes he fell asleep. I hated the people that stared at us. Who they hell are they? I was so irritated with these people looking at me with judging eyes. I just held my baby close and sang his favorite song. One lady did come up and tell me I must have the patience of a saint to not lose my cool when he was like that. She wanted to take him from me to give me a break but she had been having seizures and figured it wasn't a good idea. It was a nice gesture and made me feel a bit better that she understood my baby was sick and could not help his behavior.
About 8pm we finally got a room, saw a crappy doc, watched 3 nurses hold down my baby in another roid rage fit, my dear friend showed up to support, and I realized said crappy doctor was nothing more was a jerk and I was right and he was wrong. We found out the following day he was not a very attentive doctor and missed that his O2 saturation where low and that his white count was pretty high. He apparently needed more IV fluids and antibiotics. Thankfully the next day we got antibiotics. His breathing is doing better. now.
Through all this we are now seeing a Pulminologist out of Ft. Worth in June. This is pretty big news for us because for a while now we have been pushing for further intervention. and help for H. Well after a visit with our new doctor she was on the same page and agreed. That was a huge relief  and it really did lift a weight off of us.
Spring break is next week. I am so excited the kids are coming. I am missing them so much. We have some fun things planned. I know the week will go by fast I am just glad I am on leave to make this time with them more fun.  Of course I do work Friday but Chris will be on duty and I am sure they will have fun with him.  The kids are doing great in school. Nothing but good reports and good grades. Sean is on the Science team and having a great time with it. He is doing Choir also and according to Myranda he is having a great time with it. I will have to have him show off his stuff while he is here.  The girls have contemplated returning to skating. I hope they do I know how much fun they have when they where doing it. Of course they have a new love and it is roller skating. The usually go to White Rock where we used to go as kids. I am so glad that place is still around. for them to enjoy.
Well now that the dogs are barking like mad, H is up from his nap and Grey's is distracting me I should probably get up and get ready for work. I must say I still love my job. The hours have not been great the last few weeks but with a sick kid I guess it partially falls on me. But I work with some great ladies so its all good. So for now this is our update. Hope everyone is well. Catch up with another blog soon I am sure!