Actions hurt, but words cut deep

"Sticks and stones my break my bones but words can never hurt me." If only that were really true. Sometimes even despite our tough skin and high self confidence words hurt just as much if not more as the physical actions caused by someone else. When those words are said and they are about your child, your child with special needs, it is all you can do to hold back the rage and anger that overcomes you. The feelings of how dare they, how could they and what were they thinking? Also come to mind also.
Today words came from a educators mouth, one that doesn't even hardly interact with my child on a regular basis, that not only humiliated my husband and I but it also shocked and upset us in ways we couldn't imagine. Now that school is out for H the routine has been a bit shot despite the best efforts we put into place. Monday wasn't to bad and Tuesday wasn't to awful either it wasn't till later in the day did we start to see signs that he was having a hard time adjusting to the changes and routine. Today however it just sort of fell apart for H. H was hyper, aggressive and difficult to handle when he was around other children. He behaved in ways we have not seen in a while. It was to the point on my lunch break I texted Chris and asked if he was free the rest of the day after work to pick him up and let him relax at home so that everyone could just have a break. Chris gladly complied with the request and have as soon as he could.
I was sitting in a room doing some work when Chris showed up. I was among other colleagues when Chris poked his head in to ask about H. We had a small conversation and as he was turning to go retrieve our sleeping prince a teacher decided it was appropriate to suggest our 3.5 year old child attend a boot camp here in town for kids with behavior problems that was directed by local law enforcement and former drill sergeants. I was half listening as I was in the midst of my project I was needing to complete. I heard comments of scaring him straight, possibly working for at least a short time. I stopped listening and decided to burry my head in my work and just pray that Chris didn't snap and that this conversation would end quickly. Chris made a comment, surprisingly calm and stepped away to pick up H. I tried to brush it off, even more so when H came in to tell me good bye and hug me. I got distracted with my own set of issues and put it at the back of my mind till I clocked out.
As I walked to the car I started growing more and more upset and angry not to mention humiliated that she said that to Chris but also said that in front of people I work with. Chris was right there with me and said if he wasn't feeling sick to his stomach he would have marched right in there and gone off. I was proud of him holding his temper together and not acting on his impulses like he would have in the past.   The whole night it plagued us. In our own way it got to us sadly. I cried and Chris was angry. At first I think we both thought we were over reacting to the whole story but as we shared this with a few friends we quickly realized that we were justified in our thoughts and our plan of action. No one, especially one who works with children has a right to say that.
I will be the first to admit my child is no walk in the park, he exhibits behaviors that make you want to rethink parenthood and or your plans to ever work with children. However he is smart, funny and often fun to be around. All I could think about all night and look at was who he really was and what he is becoming. Yes he might have acted poorly at dinner tonight shouting and yelling "shut up and sit down and eat!" He also offered me the biggest hugs and ate like a champ. We celebrate the small victories and try not to put a lot of emphasis on the attention seeking behavior since we try to reinforce with the good and get him to see that he gets more attention when he does the desired things.
I guess if she thinks we need boot camp for us then I will let our pending ABA therapist know that we will no longer need her services. Boot camp will suffice and not cause any long lasting, or permanent damage because boot camp for a Autistic toddler is much more efficient and full of positive benefits. Seriously no amount of therapy would probably be able to fix the damage done to him if I did in fact choose to go that route, which of course I would never do. We have put too much effort in the therapies he has been in to even begin to want to do that. She sent her seven year old there good for her. No one ever in that sort of position will ever handle my child unless well he does something that involves needing law enforcement! Besides that place has been on the news enough due to crossing the line and doing damage to children!
Chris plans on taking this matter on tomorrow. Sleeping on it, collecting his thoughts, are what seems to work best for him now. How it will be resolved and what will become of this I have no idea, but you can bet that he will ensure this is resolved and that this teacher will learn that even in a joking manner or not there are just some things that shouldn't be said at all.