On your mark, get set, WHOA!

Happy belated New Years to all my friends and family. 2011 came and went so fast I see it as almost a blur. Things are going to be so different this year in 2012. I am starting a job at the Dyess AFB CDC. This is sort of a big deal for me as I have never been a real government employee and this time at this job the stakes are just a little higher. This will be Chris' first entire year as a civilian. There are no real military ties for him anymore just an ID card that is it. Heck as of Feb. we no longer have our military ins. coverage. H is entering into more of toddlerhood now and seeing life through his eyes is so exciting and fun.

The next few months are really going to put our lives to the test. While most of my friends are preparing their husbands to deploy to far away lands mine is preparing to take on a whole new level of his life. He has fully thrown himself into school. He will take EMT classes complete with clinicals and all along with taking full time classes at Cisco Jr. College. Oh did I mention he is still working between 25-30 hours a week and fulfilling his volunteer obligations to Potosi VFD? Over committed much?! I will be taking 9 hours of school this semester and working at the CDC. I should only be working between 20-30 hours a week but still that will keep me busy.

I sort feel like this is a race we are about to enter. Honestly I have done nothing really to prepare for this almost marathon we are about to hit all I know is that I am suppose to start out slow and pace myself. Of course I look at Chis and he has thrown all caution to the wind and has full force jumped into this race. I have always liked to ease into things maybe I should take a cue from my husband and just jump right in. I am a worrier I place so much logic into everything. I am a planner I want to make sure everything is covered and well thought out. I guess in all the time I worry about that the race is going on right past me and I am even further behind then when I started.

I mentioned my friends are all dealing with deployments or even PSCing (moving to another base) now. Oddly I feel sort of left out. Crazy right?? I feel sort of like I have nothing to offer anymore because I am not one of them. By that I mean I am no longer a military wife. What could I possibly bring to the table now because I am just a regular old civilian wife again. But even through this discouragement I will be there even though I can't say I know what your going through I can say hey let me help you with what you are going through. Two of my dearest friends are about to move one is PSCing to Guam so its not like its anywhere remotely close to go and visit! The other is moving to Oklahoma. I guess in their case its not really PSCing because in March he will no longer be active duty. Tomorrow she heads off to begin a new journey with her family and I wish them the best of luck. At least Oklahoma is closer than Guam!

This week we faced a big decision with H. For almost a year now H has been with the same school. We love his teachers and we love his school. Sadly his school is about 40 min round trip and with my schedule that could effect the amount of hours I get. Chris and I sat down Thursday night and really took a good long hard look at tuition cost along with just what would be best. It pained me to admit that yes, moving him was for the best. We took a tour on Friday I was hoping somewhere between tuition and their policies or teaching methods we would find flaws and say "oh well this isn't for us" but we didn't. The tuition was going to be almost half of what we pay now, They are such skilled and certified teachers they are given so many resources to help with just about any child and or their issues, and there policies are that of any other normal child care facility so I really could not find an issue with it. H seemed intrigued by the new school and the giant classrooms filled with amazing learning tools. I am sure he will fit right in. He starts the 23rd.

It really sucks being on the low end of the totum pole. I have had so many years experience working with children and teaching it is hard to just sit back and be an observer and just have to be the "extra" in the room. I am trying not to let it get me down and frustrate me but I guess its the type of person I am. This is not like any preschool I have ever taught at before so it blows my mind to see how intense this place is. We have two directors, 3 front desk staff all assigned to various tasks even to dispense medication! Two on site trainers who ensure our 24 training hours a year, help us set goals, do debriefings to better ourselves and our room and the real gem is a on site full time cleaning crew! So Friday I was pulled into the trainers office to go over my observation sheet. Oh ya your first few days you just go into each age group and observe you can interact but you can not count in ratio or anything you are just sort of an extra body. Anyways she asked what my goal would be for the month. I had some big one in mind ones I knew where not possible yet because oh ya you can not be alone in a room without security clearance and finger prints that takes another 4-6 months to get! I wanted to be placed in a room, I wanted to become familiar with their curriculum, to get some training modules done I mean I was aiming high. She was like well we start off small like learning the children's names and the teachers names. I for what ever reason just suddenly felt like all the air was leaving me. Wow really come on I have been doing this for years this is a goal for a noobie not a qualified CY3 teacher! But that is when it hit me that I am really starting from scratch and that these ladies have a lot on me and I have some serious catching up to do! Competitive much?!

Chris and I both start school this week. I am interested to see how taking 3 classes instead of 1 this time will work. I am trying to upload the syllabus so I can get started apparently this place is not up for overachievers because I still can not accesses it! With the both of us starting school and work I sort of feel empty now. I will admit the last 3 months of being home have been nice. I could spend more time with Chris and H and the kids but now everything is more structured. I felt before I had this one up I was ahead of the game because I had the best of both worlds and now I just feel even. I have been slightly closed off because I am trying not to think of the lack of time I will now have with him and the rest of my family. I have to sort of keep these comments to myself because what I am dealing with is peanuts compared to my friends right now. Hey mine might be gone all day and over commit himself but at the end of the day he is still in the same country heck zip code as myself.

We have this saying lately that we talk about when we have to endure these things we hate we say "its time to put our big girl panties on." I have them I see them sitting there but its just easier to say "I hate this and its not fair!" But for the sake of my friends and since they are doing so can I, I will reach down and put those big girl panties on because honestly I am a big girl.

Spring break will of course be here before we know it and I am excited to know my kids will be here for the week. I have put in for leave so I am hoping that being the noobie I won't be overlooked. I am trying to plan some fun stuff for us to do. Besides I am sure by this point I will really be wanting/needing a break. When I start looking ahead to things like that, my sisters upcoming wedding,  birthdays, and other events it really makes the year seem to go by faster. I mean heck I got to start making plans for the summer for the kids. And to answer the question No I will not be taking summer classes! My goal is to just work and have the kids no other sort of interruptions because I have a feeling by then I will be more of the full time set to a classroom status.

I guess for now that is it. I have a race to run and I don't want to be left behind. While things seem overwhelming I know I just have to put it all into perspective. As an adult life goes faster, things get crazier, and of course more complicated. But that is why it waits until we are adults because I guess we are better equipped to handle it!  Well I guess in all reality we are suppose to.