If I could turn back time

Tonight I got a little quality time on Facebook due to a child who wanted to lay in his tent and me being ill. I actually got to see posts from friends I would normally miss and sometimes wondered if we will still connected on this social site. I started looking at friends pages and realized I have actually lost quiet a few in just the last month. While this normally doesn't bother most heck even me most of the time I saw that I had lost quiet a few friends who used to be in my close inner circle. 
I guess around the time of us dealing with H and his diagnosis and the focus of school, work and family caused me to neglect my friendships. I know I should have done more to let them know I was still there just a bit distant and preoccupied. I have only one or two friends out of that close circle and that makes me sad. I am so aware that life happens and we grow and change. Most of those in my circle are still military wives and have that along with their other obligations to focus on. I respect that and I need to understand that my life as a military wife is now over and I need to move on. I guess I didn't realize I would have to leave so many of those friends behind as I transitioned back to my old life. 
The loss of some of these friends really does hurt. I wish as they unfriended me there was a comment card saying why did you choose to unfriend so and so. At least I could know what I did wrong or not did wrong to lose some special people. To be honest though in the real world without social media people often fade the same way sometimes with little to no reason at all so its just something I should accept. I reflect back to some of those memories and know we shared some great memories and I miss that time we had a friends. 
I wonder if I could turn back time and juggle things a bit differently if things might be different now. I however wouldn't want to engage in a friendship with someone who just couldn't understand my lifestyle and how I do things. All of us are different we parent differently, we value and view things differently we also have different opinions. I think that is what makes us so special as friends because we can bring all sorts of difference to the table and shed light on things we might not normally see if we associated with all the same people who did everything the same as you. I know it would be boring and who wants boring!
A few weeks ago I decided not to cut my ties with those I still barely cling to as friends. I am trying hard to maintain those friendships the best that I can. I also however started a parent groups with some other special needs families so that we had some sort of common ground and a place to go where others understood. I have often heard that once you have a special needs child your friendships change and you might lose quiet a few whom you once thought you held super close. I see that is happening and I know I can't change how others view me as a friend and how I do things its just how I am and I am not going to change who I am to make others like me. 
I am not going to lie when I saw those names not on my list anymore it was a bit sad. I guess that time together has come to an end and we have grown apart. I wish those friends well and will miss them dearly. I hope they cherish the memories we had made and never regret the friendships we shared. Maybe this is a sign to me to maybe make more time for my friends. To step back and say that no one can be friends with someone who does not make the effort. So I will be doing more to make that effort because it goes both ways. 

Out with old in with the new!

Well this is it. The last day of 2012. Honestly it does not feel that 365 days have passed but they have. I recall thinking just last week that this was impossible to be preparing for Christmas and now here we sit about to embrace the new year that is suddenly upon us. Why is it when we are children the years seem to just DRAG by? I mean everything just seems to take forever and we never seem to appreciate that time we have? Then we become adults and if we blink just right the entire year went by and we missed most of it! I can't tell you how much I have tried to instill in my children that they need to enjoy this time they have take in every second of what they are experiencing because before they know it they will be saying the exact same things as I am.

This year has been one of our most eventful ones as of yet. This was the first full year that Chris was no longer military. This transition in and of itself was a tough one. I began a wonderful job doing what I love, but that was still such a huge change from what I am used to. We both became full time students and have found it to be a challenge but have found such reward from it. Life has continued to throw us curve balls but we seem to be hitting them left and right, some right out of the ballpark others have ended up base hits or fouls but we have done our best to overcome each obstacle in our path. 

This next year will prove to be our toughest yet. This is not meant in a negative manner we just know going into 2013 we will have a lot more to face and in store for us. This upcoming year will be the year of answers. We will be starting off this New Year with answers to H and that itself is scary and a relief! We have big things on the agenda and hope to see them through. It will be exciting though. Sean will be in his last year of jr. high and Hannah in her last year of elementary school. See time is flying and I am just feeling like i can't keep up!

i won't be making any resolutions this year. They just seem to have no point to me. This year we are going to live for the moment and be happy for what we have and who we are. I am not going to stress over my weight, or how to look better. This is me and I am good with that. We aren't going to let anyone bring us down and remove those who bring nothing but negativity to our lives. This year we will make the most of it and do what we can to savor and enjoy each day we get. I am wanting to do what I can to "slow down" time   so I don't sit here a year from now and say "Man where did the time go?"  

This year is going to be more about family and less about the stress. I want to spend more time with my children, my sisters and the rest of my family. I want to do more with them and create new memories and traditions with them. It sounds like a busy year but hey I have 365 days to complete it so I think I can do it. I think it's time to change my outlook on life and  think about more of what I have and want to have rather then what I don't have or never got. So out with the old and in with the new! Happy New Years everyone!